Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

(Power goes out, the whole family gasps)
Lois: Oh my god, the power's out.
Chris: What are we gonna do now?
Brian: Well, we could light some candles and read.
(rest of the family pauses before breaking out in laughter)
Chris: Yeah right.
Stewie: Yeah that'd be great.
Peter: Yeah, read the inside of my butt.

Hey, thanks for the sex, early nineties printer.
(Printer prints out a heart slowly)

Quagmire (C-3PO)

Chris (Luke): (About the Millenium Falcon) What a piece of junk!
Peter (Han): Thank you. This was my brother's. He died of leukemia. How you feel about now?

Herbert (Obi-Wan): My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship.
Peter (Han): Well, you're in luck! I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millenium Falcon, and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie.

Quagmire (C3PO): Who would you rather do: Jabba the Hutt right after a shower, or a service droid?
Cleveland (R2-D2): My father was a service droid!

Chris (Luke): You don't believe in the force, do you?
Peter (Han): Oh, you mean that thing you just learned about three hours ago, and am now judging me for not believing in?

I have you now, young Skywalker. And with today's gas prices, not a moment too soon!

Stewie (Darth Vader)

Lois (Leia): Governor Tarkin. I smelled your stench as soon as we were brought on board.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Um, actually, that's me. I made a Darth Doodie.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Princess Leia, we've decided to test our Death Star planet blower-upper gun on your home planet of Alderaan.
Lois (Leia): NO!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): She said no. Should we still do it?
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yes.

Announcer: Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids! Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids! Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids!
Harrington: Hi I'm Darth Harrington of "Darth Harrington's Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids Emporium and Moon Base"! Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am now currently over-stocked on Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids and I am passing the savings on to yooouuuu!

You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!

Cleveland (R2-D2)

Stormtrooper: The Death Star is getting closer!
Quagmire (C-3PO): And Leia's getting l-a-a-arger! (jiggles Leia's stomach)

You still got that bag I gave you? It's gonna be a long ride.

</i> Cleveland (R2-D2)
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 34 in total

Family Guy Season 6 Episode 1 Quotes

You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!

Cleveland (R2-D2)

Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.

× Close Ad