Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Auctioneer: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty bucks!
Auctioneer: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioneer: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks!

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes

Jake [pointing to fat Peter]: What's that, daddy?
Tom Tucker: Why that's Mercury, Jake, the planet closest to the sun. Though what it's doing down here by the waterfront, I haven't the foggiest. We should probably ask a scientist...
Peter: I'm a guy, you jackass

Peter: Hey, what the hell are you doing in my house?
New Owner: Your house? This is my house, my wife and I bought it from the bank.
Peter: But I've still got another day to pay back the loan.
New Owner: The bank said it wouldn't matter because you're a fat dead-beat loser.
Peter: Fat dead-beat loser? Well sir, while I may not agree with what you say I'll defend to the death your right to say it

Joe: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts first.
Cleveland: I heard he doesn't just eat you, he eats your soul.
Peter: I heard one of Shannon Doherty's eyes is off center because it's trying to escape

Displaying all 5 quotes

Family Guy Season 3 Episode 10 Quotes

Peter: Hey, what the hell are you doing in my house?
New Owner: Your house? This is my house, my wife and I bought it from the bank.
Peter: But I've still got another day to pay back the loan.
New Owner: The bank said it wouldn't matter because you're a fat dead-beat loser.
Peter: Fat dead-beat loser? Well sir, while I may not agree with what you say I'll defend to the death your right to say it

Joe: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts first.
Cleveland: I heard he doesn't just eat you, he eats your soul.
Peter: I heard one of Shannon Doherty's eyes is off center because it's trying to escape