Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 5 Episode 3: "Hell Comes to Quahog" Quotes
Peter: Hmm...I'm still not sure.
Car Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter: Sold!
Jim Caplan: Hi there, can I help you folks?
Peter: Yeah, uh, my daughter is looking for a car that goes with her personality.
Stewie: Yes, are the new bulimic cutting mobiles in yet?
Peter: Geez Meg, you ruined my good time! Just like basic cable.
(flashback)
TV: We now return to "Showgirls"...
Peter: Yay!
TV:...On TBS.
Peter: Aww...
Peter: Meg, people have always found ways to get around without a car.
Look at Iceman.
Iceman's wife: Honey, where'd you go when you went out last night?
Iceman: Uh, just over to Tom's house. Played some poker,
had some brewskies, you know.
Iceman's wife: Really? Then would you mind explaining that?
(The camera turns to a trail of ice leading to a gay club)
Iceman: At least they know how to touch a man.
Lois: So how was work today, Meg?
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Lois: Peter, you lost your job because of the superstore. You shouldn't blame Meg.
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Lois: And you can stop making that fart sound every time someone says 'Meg.'
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Brian: So how was your day exploiting the town's resources, Meg?
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Chris: (laughs) Meg!
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg!
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!
Peter: (blows raspberries)
Chris: (whispers) Meg!
Peter: (blows silent raspberry)
Meg: I'm not gonna sit here and take this! I'm the only one in this family that has a job!
Peter: (whispers something in Brian's ear)
Brian: (chuckles) Yeah, like she'd get paid for that.
Meg: (to Brian) What did he just say to you?!
Brian: Nothing. It's like-- There was-- Forget it. It's nothing, Meg.
Peter: (blows raspberry)
Remember those sweet, warm New England summers? Remember sipping lemonade underneath a shady tree? Remember when you hit that pedestrian with your car at the crosswalk and then just drove away? Pepperidge Farm remembers, but Pepperidge Farm ain't just gonna keep it to Pepperidge Farm's self free of charge. Maybe you go out and buy yourself some of these distinctive Milano cookies, maybe this whole thing disappears.
</i> Guy in Commercial
Oh wow. Wow, if I were a woman, I would press my bare boobs up against glass in public, just for the SEXUAL THRILL! THE SEXUAL THRILL!!!
Joe
Peter: Who's sober enough to drive?
(No one answers.)
Peter: Ok, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk, you know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyways because, I mean come on, you got to get your car home, right? I mean what do they expect me do, take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus.
Cleveland: I'm that kind of drunk.
Peter: (Throws keys to Cleveland) Shotgun!
OH YES!!! I slam it, you can suck it!
Joe
(After running over Joe with the tank)
Peter: Joe, my god what happened?
Joe: You just ran over me you bastard! I don't know where you got that thing, but I'm impounding it!
Peter: Heheheh look at you, you look like a half-empty toothpaste.
Brian: Well it seems everything worked out for the best, Meg.
Peter: (Blows rasberry)
Chris: Ha!Ha!Haa! Meg!
Peter: (Blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg!
Peter: (Blows raspberry)
Chris: Meg!
Peter: (Rasberry noise without him sticking out his tongue) ...Pardon me. (gets up and walk away)
(Watching "Madagascar") Dude, those animals are so f***ing funny! They make me want to merge without looking!
Man Driving Hummer
