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Family-guy

Chris: Dad, don't you see? You're using the island to get out of your problems at home.
Peter: What are you talking about? Meg's right there.

Paul Reiser: So what's the deal with airline food? Is this stuff bad or what?
Peter: Aw, that's not nice; those chefs work really hard.
Reiser: And what's with those Starbucks, huh? They're everywhere.
Peter: Uhh...a lotta people want coffee; that's supply and demand, it's the foundation of our entire economy Paul...
Reiser: And who do I talk to about those long lines at the atm? That's what I wanna know.
Peter Not me, Mr. Reiser. Someone who has time to fritter away, but not me.

Hahaha wow, this is just like Bible camp...only I'm not crying and trying to pretend I'm somewhere else.

Chris [after seeing villagers exposed genitals]

Kevin Ferderline: Magic Mirror, how can I look like a douche-bag today?
Magic Mirror Peter: Well Kevin, uhm, I would say first of all don't shave or shower.
Kevin Ferderline: Ok, I won't.
Magic Mirror Peter: And uh, you just got out of bed right?
Kevin Ferderline: Yeah.
Magic Mirror Peter: I would say just go ahead and wear that tank-top all day.
Kevin Ferderline: Uhm, ok.
Magic Mirror Peter: Alright, so we covered the hygene, no collared shirts, uhm...ohh, and don't forget to walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.

Did anyone listen to Howard Stern this morning? There were two strippers in the studio, they sounded hot. Then Howard made a joke about Negros, but Robin laughed so it was okay.

Stewie

I married this 11 year old girl for all the wrong reasons.

Chris

Lois: Peter, this is ridiculous. We came all this way to take Chris home! Why are we staying?
Peter: Because I'm tired of being treated like crap at work. Don't you see what this means to me? I'm somebody here. Finally, a white man has an opportunity to be rich and in charge.

Karen: So, did you have a nice day?
Gary: It was okay.
Karen: You know our son got into your closet today.
Gary: Ah, okay.
Karen: Ah, anything, anything in there maybe that you wouldn't of wanted him to see?
Gary: No.
Karen: Really? You don't, have any dirty pictures in there?
Gary: No.
Karen: Uh, well how do you explain these? (Shows caveman porn).
Gary: So what? So I have some paintings.
Karen: Uh, this is how you want me to look?
Gary: Oh come on Karen, do you hate your body so much that you have to reduce every painting of the female form to pornography?
Karen: Don't do that Gary!
Gary: Don't do what?
Karen: Don't you do that!
Gary: Don't do what?
Karen: Don't make this my fault!
Gary: It is your fault. All I want to do is come home and have dinner. And have my wife say hello how's your day been? But oh no that's impossible for you.
Karen: You know what this is about?
Gary: What?
Karen: This about your disrespect for me, this family and everything we stand for!
Gary: Oh, oh what do we stand for, what do we stand for?! Who are we, the Goracks? Oh suddenly your Cynthia Gorack. That's what you want isn't it. You've always wanted to be Cynthia Gorack.
Karen: Ye, well you know what? At least Cynthia Gorack's husband cares for her family! Ah, I can't even talk to you when you're like this!
Gary: Oh, okay! It's over now because you say it is. Oh way to go Karen! You solve all our problems by just walking away. I mean it's so obvious I don't care about the family. I just killed a 700 pound tiger with a stick and a rock!
Karen: That doesn't make you a man Gary!
Gary: Here we go, here's act 2 of the performance. Karen pretends to leave home for the twentieth time. You know what Karen? Go, just go. I'm not going to stop you, just go! Get out, Get the hell out!
Karen: Screw you Gary!
Gary: Oh, maybe if you did that more often maybe I wouldn't need these paintings!

Lady Guinevere: Oh, Arthur, if you can remove this sword from it's stone, and prove that you are the true king of England, I will make love to you in this very field.
Arthur: What if I just move it a little? Will you touch me?

Displaying all 9 quotes

Family Guy Season 4 Episode 13 Quotes

Karen: So, did you have a nice day?
Gary: It was okay.
Karen: You know our son got into your closet today.
Gary: Ah, okay.
Karen: Ah, anything, anything in there maybe that you wouldn't of wanted him to see?
Gary: No.
Karen: Really? You don't, have any dirty pictures in there?
Gary: No.
Karen: Uh, well how do you explain these? (Shows caveman porn).
Gary: So what? So I have some paintings.
Karen: Uh, this is how you want me to look?
Gary: Oh come on Karen, do you hate your body so much that you have to reduce every painting of the female form to pornography?
Karen: Don't do that Gary!
Gary: Don't do what?
Karen: Don't you do that!
Gary: Don't do what?
Karen: Don't make this my fault!
Gary: It is your fault. All I want to do is come home and have dinner. And have my wife say hello how's your day been? But oh no that's impossible for you.
Karen: You know what this is about?
Gary: What?
Karen: This about your disrespect for me, this family and everything we stand for!
Gary: Oh, oh what do we stand for, what do we stand for?! Who are we, the Goracks? Oh suddenly your Cynthia Gorack. That's what you want isn't it. You've always wanted to be Cynthia Gorack.
Karen: Ye, well you know what? At least Cynthia Gorack's husband cares for her family! Ah, I can't even talk to you when you're like this!
Gary: Oh, okay! It's over now because you say it is. Oh way to go Karen! You solve all our problems by just walking away. I mean it's so obvious I don't care about the family. I just killed a 700 pound tiger with a stick and a rock!
Karen: That doesn't make you a man Gary!
Gary: Here we go, here's act 2 of the performance. Karen pretends to leave home for the twentieth time. You know what Karen? Go, just go. I'm not going to stop you, just go! Get out, Get the hell out!
Karen: Screw you Gary!
Gary: Oh, maybe if you did that more often maybe I wouldn't need these paintings!

Lady Guinevere: Oh, Arthur, if you can remove this sword from it's stone, and prove that you are the true king of England, I will make love to you in this very field.
Arthur: What if I just move it a little? Will you touch me?

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