Family Guy Season 5 Episode 18: "Meet The Quagmires" Quotes
Brian: You ever hear of the theory that if you kill a butterfly in the past, it can drastically alter the present? Well who knows what else we changed.
(Peter turns the TV on)
Announcer: Tonight on the Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney.
Peter: Oh, he's good.
Announcer: Comedian Dave Chappelle.
Brian: He's funny, like him.
Announcer: And musician Harry Connick Jr.
Peter: Wow, what a show.
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentleman, heeeeeeeeeere's Chevy!
Peter: Oh god Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!
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(to 18 year old Lois) Could I 'Wham' my 'Oingo Boingo' into your 'Velvet Underground'?Brian
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Cleveland: Hey Quagmire, how was your date last night?
Quagmire: Cleveland, it was amazing. You know what I discovered last night? Women have a fourth hole.
Quagmire: Yeah, I mean it's only visible if you're looking from exactly the right angle, like the entrance to Hogwarts. But ya gotta believe that it's there.
Peter: Man, I envy you single guys. No families, partying whenever you want. These are the only people I get to party with. (holds out his wallet, with a picture of the kids)
Quagmire: (Pointing to Meg) Oh, that's where the fourth hole is, right there. Right there in the back of the knee.
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Lois: Peter used to be so passionate, but now he doesn't seem to be interested in me.
Quagmire: Lois, if I may, Peter doesn't you. As a friend, I think you deserve to be with someone who knows how to be a gentleman.
Lois: Oh, Glen. You're so sweet. (They embrace) Something's poking me.
Quagmire: It's alright. It's just my wang.
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Lois: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt! And I won't let Quagmire, or any man, she-male, robot, or sentient robot, curious about it's own existence keep us apart!
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