Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX

Peter: Lois, you're too nosy. Like that waiter at that restaurant.
Waiter: And who had the prime rib?
Peter: I hardly think that's any of your business.

Peter: I guess I've learned a little something about what it means to be a good dad.
Chris: Hey, dad, do you want to play baseball?
Peter: Oh my God, could you leave me alone?! You are the neediest kid!

Tom Tucker: Can I get you some punch?
Thelma: Oh no, see, if you're one of ten million americans like me...
(cuts to a man in a chair)
Man: Like me.
(cuts to a woman on a tennis court)
Woman: Like me.
(cuts back to the community center)
Thelma: ...with a bladder control problem, punch just goes right through you.
(Quagmire comes in)
Quagmire: Ewwwwwww!

Peter: I can't believe you left dad.
Thelma: I have needs that he didn't satisfy, and I'm still a young woman Peter. 82 is the new 74. I'm putting my fine ass back on the market.
Peter: Boy, this is really gonna upset my evil brother Thaddeus.
Thaddeus: (dressed and talks like Snidely Whiplash) Nya! This will surely affect my inheritance. Nya!

Tom Tucker: Hey champ. Do you want to see Chicken Little?
Peter: Hahaha. Yeah!
Tom Tucker: And what does a chicken say?
Peter: MOOOO!
Tom Tucker: Hahaha, why not.

Chris: I wanna get a milkshake too.
Peter: Too bad. Go get your own father.

(Watching airplanes flying at the airshow) Oh this so exciting! Maybe we'll get lucky and see another crash this year.


Jake Tucker: What's your problem?
Peter: Papa Tom's being a jerk.
Jake Tucker: At least he talks to you. He hasn't paid attention to me in weeks!
Peter: Well, all in all, I think you should be grateful. I heard the Kennedys had a kid like you once, and they had it put to sleep.

(to Tom Tucker, about Thelma) I can't believe this! You were messing around in what was basically my first apartment!

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