Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Peter: Lois, you're too nosy. Like that waiter at that restaurant.
(flashback)
Waiter: And who had the prime rib?
Peter: I hardly think that's any of your business.

Peter: I guess I've learned a little something about what it means to be a good dad.
Chris: Hey, dad, do you want to play baseball?
Peter: Oh my God, could you leave me alone?! You are the neediest kid!

Tom Tucker: Can I get you some punch?
Thelma: Oh no, see, if you're one of ten million americans like me...
(cuts to a man in a chair)
Man: Like me.
(cuts to a woman on a tennis court)
Woman: Like me.
(cuts back to the community center)
Thelma: ...with a bladder control problem, punch just goes right through you.
(Quagmire comes in)
Quagmire: Ewwwwwww!

Peter: I can't believe you left dad.
Thelma: I have needs that he didn't satisfy, and I'm still a young woman Peter. 82 is the new 74. I'm putting my fine ass back on the market.
Peter: Boy, this is really gonna upset my evil brother Thaddeus.
Thaddeus: (dressed and talks like Snidely Whiplash) Nya! This will surely affect my inheritance. Nya!

Tom Tucker: Hey champ. Do you want to see Chicken Little?
Peter: Hahaha. Yeah!
Tom Tucker: And what does a chicken say?
Peter: MOOOO!
Tom Tucker: Hahaha, why not.

Chris: I wanna get a milkshake too.
Peter: Too bad. Go get your own father.

(Watching airplanes flying at the airshow) Oh this so exciting! Maybe we'll get lucky and see another crash this year.

Lois

Jake Tucker: What's your problem?
Peter: Papa Tom's being a jerk.
Jake Tucker: At least he talks to you. He hasn't paid attention to me in weeks!
Peter: Well, all in all, I think you should be grateful. I heard the Kennedys had a kid like you once, and they had it put to sleep.

(to Tom Tucker, about Thelma) I can't believe this! You were messing around in what was basically my first apartment!

Peter

Thelma: I don't see what the problem is, Tom is a wonderful man.
Tom Tucker: I don't see the problem either, but let's go to Ollie Williams for the In-Depth Anylasis. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: Lady's old!
Tom Tucker: Thanks Ollie, back to you, Peter.

(Off screen, a girl catches a Hot Dog in her mouth)
Girl: That one felt like my Dad!
Jingle: Incest in the morning!
Deep-Voiced Announcer: Suppressed Memories!

Announcer: And now back to "Round Table" with Al Michaels, Harold Ramis, Ray Romano, and Kermit the Frog.
Kermit: These Zoning Laws are infringing on the rights of...
Harold Ramis: Uh, if I might interrupt for a minute, I'd like to point out...
Al Michaels: You've had your time, let someone else speak.
Harold Ramis: I haven't said a word, it was that guy (points to Ray Romano).
Ray Romano: Don't look at me! I can't get a word in edgewise.
Kermit the Frog: Well then who the hell's been talking this whole time (they all begin to argue)?

Displaying all 12 quotes

Want more Family Guy?

Sign up for our daily newsletter and receive the latest tv news delivered to your inbox for free!

Family Guy Season 5 Episode 2 Quotes

Jake Tucker: What's your problem?
Peter: Papa Tom's being a jerk.
Jake Tucker: At least he talks to you. He hasn't paid attention to me in weeks!
Peter: Well, all in all, I think you should be grateful. I heard the Kennedys had a kid like you once, and they had it put to sleep.

Announcer: And now back to "Round Table" with Al Michaels, Harold Ramis, Ray Romano, and Kermit the Frog.
Kermit: These Zoning Laws are infringing on the rights of...
Harold Ramis: Uh, if I might interrupt for a minute, I'd like to point out...
Al Michaels: You've had your time, let someone else speak.
Harold Ramis: I haven't said a word, it was that guy (points to Ray Romano).
Ray Romano: Don't look at me! I can't get a word in edgewise.
Kermit the Frog: Well then who the hell's been talking this whole time (they all begin to argue)?

x Close Ad