Family Guy Season 5 Episode 14: "No Meals On Wheels" Quotes
Peter: (amazed) What are those?
Salesman: Well that's a pair of red, flannel feety pajamas.
Peter: Good lord.
Salesman: See, they got a flap that opens up in the back.
Peter: Are you telling me I could be pooping and warm?
Peter: No longer will I have to make a choice between the two. Sir, here is a check with my name on it. Write down any number on this piece of paper and I will pay it.
- Permalink: What are those? Well that's a pair of red, flannel feety pajam...
Salesman: Hi there, see anything you like?
Peter: Oh, I'm just browsing.
Salesman: Say, you look like you could use an activity book with half the activities done.
Peter: Wow, that would save me half the time.
Salesman: Connect the dots? Ha! More like set the book down and have a beer.
Peter: You got yourself a deal.
- Permalink: Hi there, see anything you like? Oh, I'm just browsing. Say...
(Walking towards counter) Yes, I'll take this teddy bear, this ruler, this piece of string, and this cardboard box. (Assembles them into a trap for the cashier.)Herbert
- Permalink: Yes, I'll take this teddy bear, this ruler, this piece of string...
Whoa whoa whoa. Joe, I thought you were bringing your cop friends over. What are all these parallelograms doing here?Peter
- Permalink: Whoa whoa whoa. Joe, I thought you were bringing your cop friend...
Ya know Peter, my buddies and I have been lookin' for a new hangout. Our usual donut shop has gotten a little "Puerto-Ricanny", uh what if we made your place our new spot?Joe
- Permalink: Ya know Peter, my buddies and I have been lookin' for a new hang...
Lois: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Quagmire: Well ya know Lois, I gotta confess, when you called me, I sort of misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but it's fine, it's fine, I'm happy to help.
- Permalink: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet. Wel...
Stewie: Oh look, an On-The-Raggedy Ann Doll.
(pulls the string)
Doll: It's water weight you bastard!
(pulls the string again)
Doll: Get off me, I'm not your whore!
(pulls the string again)
Doll: (crying) I'm sorry, I'm just so sad.
Stewie: Well, I guess I can still play with it three weeks out of the month.
- Permalink: Oh look, an On-The-Raggedy Ann Doll. It's water weight you b...
Lois: Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter: Lois, I'm tired of Mort always mooching off us, so I made a Scarejew.
Lois: Peter, we're not gonna have this in our front yard, it's racist, and for god's sake ya ruined your best suit. Now we're gonna have to get you a new one...
Peter: Shh shhh, Lois, Lois look. (They go inside and Mort comes to the door)
Mort: Hey guys, I just wanted to return your... Oooh! oh my god it's Hitler! He's back, he's back. hurry, protect Jon Stewart. He's out most important Jew.
- Permalink: Peter, what the hell is that? Lois, I'm tired of Mort always m...
(Peter is buried under Joe and his friends)
Peter: Ben Stiller, help me!
Ben Stiller: No, Peter. I heard what you said about my movies.
Ben Stiller: (points at his ears) Hello?!
Peter: Ah, go to hell, you mutant offspring of comedy people!
- Permalink: Ben Stiller, help me! No, Peter. I heard what you said about m...
Peter: How can you leave me now Ben Stiller when I need you the most?
Ben Stiller: I'm sorry Peter, but there are other children who need my help.
Peter: I guess I was wrong to think you'd always be with me.
Ben Stiller: I'll always be with you Peter. (His ears start flapping and he flies away)
Peter: His movies are terrible.
- Permalink: How can you leave me now Ben Stiller when I need you the most? ...