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Family-guy

Lois, I have never been more comfortable as a person than I am in these feety pajamas, all warm and furry. This is what it feels like to be a bear. You remember when I used to say Lois, when we first got married, you remember, I used to say, what would it feel like to be a bear? Well, this is it. This is it. I'm living it baby.

Peter

Peter: Oh boy, does it feel good to undo my butt flap.
Meg: Ew dad! We don't want to sit here and look at your ass.
Stewie: Yes, I'd rather look at Meg toweling off after a shower when she does that butt floss thing. (Cuts to scene where Stewie sees Meg toweling her ass.)
Stewie: (Low voice) Ew, ew, that's so disgusting, uh, uh, uh, I hope I don't ever accidentally use that towel. (Towel falls on Stewie.) Ahhhhh!

Brian: Alright so we roll the dice and then we both have to yell Yahtzee really loud.
Stewie: At the same time?
Brian: Yeah and you have to flap your wrists like this. (Flapping his hands in the air.)
Stewie: And you'll do it to?
Brian: Of course, that's how it's done.
Stewie: Okay.
Brian: Alright, ready?
Stewie: Okay, you going to do it with me?
Brian: Oh yeah.
Stewie: (After Brian throws the dice, screams and flaps his hands.) Yahtzee!
Brian: Gay.
Stewie: You suck!

Peter: (amazed) What are those?
Salesman: Well that's a pair of red, flannel feety pajamas.
Peter: Good lord.
Salesman: See, they got a flap that opens up in the back.
Peter: Are you telling me I could be pooping and warm?
Salesman: Exactly.
Peter: No longer will I have to make a choice between the two. Sir, here is a check with my name on it. Write down any number on this piece of paper and I will pay it.

Salesman: Hi there, see anything you like?
Peter: Oh, I'm just browsing.
Salesman: Say, you look like you could use an activity book with half the activities done.
Peter: Wow, that would save me half the time.
Salesman: Connect the dots? Ha! More like set the book down and have a beer.
Peter: You got yourself a deal.

(Walking towards counter) Yes, I'll take this teddy bear, this ruler, this piece of string, and this cardboard box. (Assembles them into a trap for the cashier.)

Herbert

Whoa whoa whoa. Joe, I thought you were bringing your cop friends over. What are all these parallelograms doing here?

Peter

Ya know Peter, my buddies and I have been lookin' for a new hangout. Our usual donut shop has gotten a little "Puerto-Ricanny", uh what if we made your place our new spot?

Joe

Lois: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Quagmire: Well ya know Lois, I gotta confess, when you called me, I sort of misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but it's fine, it's fine, I'm happy to help.

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