Peter: (amazed) What are those?
Salesman: Well that's a pair of red, flannel feety pajamas.
Peter: Good lord.
Salesman: See, they got a flap that opens up in the back.
Peter: Are you telling me I could be pooping and warm?
Salesman: Exactly.
Peter: No longer will I have to make a choice between the two. Sir, here is a check with my name on it. Write down any number on this piece of paper and I will pay it.

• Permalink: What are those? Well that's a pair of red, flannel feety pajam...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Salesman: Hi there, see anything you like?
Peter: Oh, I'm just browsing.
Salesman: Say, you look like you could use an activity book with half the activities done.
Peter: Wow, that would save me half the time.
Salesman: Connect the dots? Ha! More like set the book down and have a beer.
Peter: You got yourself a deal.

• Permalink: Hi there, see anything you like? Oh, I'm just browsing. Say...
• Added: February 18, 2010

(Walking towards counter) Yes, I'll take this teddy bear, this ruler, this piece of string, and this cardboard box. (Assembles them into a trap for the cashier.)

Herbert

• Permalink: Yes, I'll take this teddy bear, this ruler, this piece of string...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Whoa whoa whoa. Joe, I thought you were bringing your cop friends over. What are all these parallelograms doing here?

Peter

• Permalink: Whoa whoa whoa. Joe, I thought you were bringing your cop friend...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Ya know Peter, my buddies and I have been lookin' for a new hangout. Our usual donut shop has gotten a little "Puerto-Ricanny", uh what if we made your place our new spot?

Joe

• Permalink: Ya know Peter, my buddies and I have been lookin' for a new hang...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Lois: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Quagmire: Well ya know Lois, I gotta confess, when you called me, I sort of misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but it's fine, it's fine, I'm happy to help.

• Permalink: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet. Wel...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Stewie: Oh look, an On-The-Raggedy Ann Doll.
(pulls the string)
Doll: It's water weight you bastard!
(pulls the string again)
Doll: Get off me, I'm not your whore!
(pulls the string again)
Doll: (crying) I'm sorry, I'm just so sad.
Stewie: Well, I guess I can still play with it three weeks out of the month.

• Permalink: Oh look, an On-The-Raggedy Ann Doll. It's water weight you b...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Lois: Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter: Lois, I'm tired of Mort always mooching off us, so I made a Scarejew.
Lois: Peter, we're not gonna have this in our front yard, it's racist, and for god's sake ya ruined your best suit. Now we're gonna have to get you a new one...
Peter: Shh shhh, Lois, Lois look. (They go inside and Mort comes to the door)
Mort: Hey guys, I just wanted to return your... Oooh! oh my god it's Hitler! He's back, he's back. hurry, protect Jon Stewart. He's out most important Jew.

• Permalink: Peter, what the hell is that? Lois, I'm tired of Mort always m...
• Added: February 18, 2010