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Family-guy

Carter: What's going on here?
Peter: We're taking what's ours! Actually, we're taking what's yours, but we don't think you deserve it, so we're calling it ours and taking it!

Lois: Peter, why are you wearing that suit?
Stewie: Yes, you look like the statue of liberty's pimp.
(Stewie and Brian share a High-five)

Peter: Alright guys, it's going to be a long night of border patrol, so I brought in Michael McDonald to help us.
Cleveland: How's he gonna help us?
Peter: He's going to do backup vocals for everything we say.
Cleveland: How's he gonna know what we're saying?
Michael McDonald (singing): How's he gonna know what we're saying?
Quagmire: Is he gonna do it for all of us?
Michael McDonald (singing): Is he gonna do it for all of us?
Peter: Yeah I hired him for the night, cost about $250 an hour, so don't skimp on the conversation.
Michael McDonald (singing): Yeah I hired him for the night, cost about $250 an hour, so don't skimp on the conversaaaationnn!
Cleveland: That sounds nice.

Peter: Well, I guess everything's back to normal.
Michael McDonald (singing): Well, I guess everything's back to normal.
Peter: Oh man, not this guy again.
Michael McDonald (singing): Oh man, not this guy again!
(Peter passes gas)
Michael McDonald (singing): Fart!

Immigration Officer: Complete this sentence: The land of the free and the home of the blank.
Peter: Home of the Whopper?

Peter:Hotel maid wanted. Hey, I could do that.
(cut to Peter in a maid's uniform and cart walking up to and knocks on a door)
Peter:Housekeeping. (No answer. He knocks again) Housekeeping.
Man:Come back later,please.
Peter:Housekeeping?
Man:Not now.
Peter:(annoyed)Housekeeping!
Man:Go away.
Peter:I come in anyway?
Man:No! Go away!
Peter:I come in anyway. (walks in on a couple having sex)
Woman:Oh my god!
Man:I said no!
Peter:Ok, I clean?
Man:No, get out of here!
Peter:I clean now?
Man:No!
Peter:I stay and watch?
Man:No!
Peter:I get involved?
Man:What?
Peter:I get involved with lady?
Man:(looks over at the lady)W-What do you think?
Woman:Turn around. (Peter turns around) I don't think so.

Lois: Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go to sleep without it.
Peter: I threw it away.
Stewie: What?! What the hell man I don't throw away your stuff. And where's my goat?
Lois: Peter, why would you do that?
Peter: Because Speedy Gonzales is an immigrant and a bad influence on our children!

(singing) When you say USA I just say hooray, and if you're not from here God's gonna hunt you down and give you AIDS. USA!

Peter

Peter: 9/11 changed everything!
Brian: Peter, you didn't even know what 9/11 was until 2004.

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