Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight, I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it

Peter

You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk

Peter

Peter: What kind of talk is that? It's un-American! Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of his father's friend's money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit after gettin' arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit-
Joe: I get the message, Peter!

Joe: Hey Peter, this water tastes kind of funny.
Peter: What do you mean like "ha ha" Jerry Seinfeld funny, or Elaine Boosler "God bless her she's trying" funny?

Meg: I'm sure the money clip will be safe in my room.
Stewie: I'm sure it will be lost throughout the pictures of Justin Timberlake or Tom Cruise or ... blast, who the devil do teenagers like ... or Morgan Freeman

TV Announcer: We now return to Touched by an Angel.
Lawyer [holding up a doll]: Now where exactly did the angel touch you?
Boy [pointing to the crotch]: Here.
Angel: Oh come on, who are you going to believe? I've got a freakin' halo

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