Lois: (opens Chris's closet) What the hell!? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this?
Peter: Yeah, it's all him or hers fault. Who does he or she think he or she is. Look, you can totally see his or her nipples. That's obscene maybe.
Lois: There's only one thing to do.
Peter: You're right, we've got to find this Marilyn Manson and I've gotta give that bastard or bitch a piece of my mind or penis.

• Permalink: What the hell!? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this? ...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Sgt. Angryman: Congratulations men, you've all passed basic training. I'm proud to call you soldiers. I'm sure you'll do your country proud tomorrow when you are all shipped off, to Iraq.
Brian: What!?
Stewie: Oh don't worry, I'm sure he means Fraggle-Iraq.

• Permalink: Congratulations men, you've all passed basic training. I'm proud...
• Added: February 18, 2010

My God. You are the sorriest bunch of rejects I've ever seen, and I've seen The Bangles in concert.

Sgt. Angryman

• Permalink: My God. You are the sorriest bunch of rejects I've ever seen, an...
• Added: February 18, 2010

(after killing the Vaudeville Guys) Okay, they're dead, alright? We're not going to be seeing them again.

Stewie

• Permalink: Okay, they're dead, alright? We're not going to be seeing them a...
• Added: February 18, 2010

(Stewie walks into the recruiters office)
Recruiter: Peggy would you send in the next- oh, you're already here. Say, aren't you a little young to join the Army?
Stewie: No, I have that...um...Webster disease. Hey, is that the M9 double action pistol?
Recruiter: Sure is, standard issue in the Army.
Stewie: Where do I sign?
Recruiter: Right here. Did I mention there's a hundred dollar bonus if you sign up a buddy?
Stewie: Really? Well I think I have a surprise for somebody. (Stewie signs up Brian too)

• Permalink: Peggy would you send in the next- oh, you're already here. Say, ...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines, those are the men you wanna (Bleep).

Lois

• Permalink: Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the A...
• Added: February 18, 2010

Stewie: Let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw something through to the end?
Brian: Well I uh..
Stewie: NEVER, thats when! You need this Brian. You dropped out of college, you still haven't finished your novel, do you know what you lack? Discipline! You know where you'll get it? Right here in the Army!

• Permalink: Let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw something th...
• Added: February 18, 2010

(to his therapist) Every time my daughter opens her mouth, I just wanna' punch her in the face, she's really annoying.

Peter

• Permalink: Every time my daughter opens her mouth, I just wanna' punch her ...
• Added: February 18, 2010