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Family-guy

Brian: (in heaven) Look at me, hanging out with Ernest Hemmingway, Vincent Van Gogh and Kurt Cobain. But it does seem like we all ended up here earlier then we should have.
Hemmingway: Well, I finally collapsed under the weight of my own genius, and shot myself.
Van Gogh: I couldn't reconcile my passion with the way people around me were living, so I shot myself.
Cobain: I couldn't stand the idea of my music becoming some bland corporate tool, so I shot myself.
Brian: Yeah, I... got into the garbage and ate some chocolate.

(as Stewie writes "douchebag" on Brian's grave)Stu: That's not really appropriate, Stewie.
Stewie: Of course it is, I loathe that know-it-all flea-bitten mutt!
Stu: No, it's just that the meaning of that word has changed ever since President Douchebag

Stu: (after sex) So...do I...do I give you money or something?
Fran: Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Stu: I'm sorry. That's never happened before.
Fran: What? The eight seconds of sex, or the forty minutes of crying afterwards?

Old Lois: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis?
Old Quagmire: Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a little stiff since you walked in, Giggety gigg... oop, I just pooped a little.
Old Cleveland: Oh... that's... nasty...

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