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Family-guy

Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up

Brian

Meg: Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret!
Brian: Here's a hint: Put down the fork!

Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die fifty years before I do

Peter

Rehab Counselor: I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot.
Peter: Yeah, well I don't pay you to think, hot lips, in fact, I don't pay you at all...

Brian: What are you doing here [at rehab]?
Peter: I'm on vacation. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm also on smack

Chris: Hey dad, I heard if you use tanning beds, you can get something called "Melanoma."
Peter: Oh, Chris, that's just fancy-talk for Sexified

Brian: The real hero here is God: for blessing me with this nose, and a few other amazing appendages!

I'm not being insensitive, Lois. I just don't see why we have to cancel our vacation, just because the dog's a coke-fiend

Peter

Joe: Nice work, rookie!
Cop #1: You're a credit to the force!
Cop #2: Additional generic cop compliment, Brian

Joe: Say hello to our newest narc.
Quagmire: Oh, yeah? (to Brian) How good are you?
Brian: (Sniffs) You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women. (Sniffs) And a man.
Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women. (Brian stares blankly) NOOOOO!

Brian: So I see you got a new receptionist. Nice little body on her, huh?
Therapist: That's my daughter.
Brian: Well, we could probably call this an early day, huh?

Rehab Counselor: Wait a minute, Brian, you have a pre-existing relationship with this degenerate?
Peter: A degenerate, am I? Well, you are a festisio! See? I can make up words too, sister

Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 3 Episode 1 Quotes

Brian: So I see you got a new receptionist. Nice little body on her, huh?
Therapist: That's my daughter.
Brian: Well, we could probably call this an early day, huh?

Rehab Counselor: Wait a minute, Brian, you have a pre-existing relationship with this degenerate?
Peter: A degenerate, am I? Well, you are a festisio! See? I can make up words too, sister

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