Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX

Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up


Meg: Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret!
Brian: Here's a hint: Put down the fork!

Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die fifty years before I do


Rehab Counselor: I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot.
Peter: Yeah, well I don't pay you to think, hot lips, in fact, I don't pay you at all...

Brian: What are you doing here [at rehab]?
Peter: I'm on vacation. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm also on smack

Chris: Hey dad, I heard if you use tanning beds, you can get something called "Melanoma."
Peter: Oh, Chris, that's just fancy-talk for Sexified

Brian: The real hero here is God: for blessing me with this nose, and a few other amazing appendages!

I'm not being insensitive, Lois. I just don't see why we have to cancel our vacation, just because the dog's a coke-fiend


Joe: Nice work, rookie!
Cop #1: You're a credit to the force!
Cop #2: Additional generic cop compliment, Brian

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