Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
Stewie: Go on, hot wire it!
Brian: Hot wire? I don't even pump my own gas.
Open up or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument I use to hit dead-beats with bad credit cards. Well, it's not an instrument, it's more of an object, but it's blunt, hard and blunt, and well ... it's kinda like a bat. I found it out back one day when I was raking
Hotel manager
Brian [at mom's funeral]: Say something.
Stewie: What?
Brian: Just say something please.
Stewie: For god's sake. Um... "Yea, and God said on to Abraham, 'You will kill your son Isaac'. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you, You'll have to speak into the microphone.' And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, Check, Check. Jerry pull the high end out I'm, getting some hiss back here.'"
Brian: Say something about my mother!
Stewie: Oh yes, I'm sorry. I never knew Biscuit as a Dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian: Thanks. That's enough.
Stewie: Yes. Requiem in Terra Pax, and so forth. Amen
Chris: Okay, Meg. I'm thinking of another word. This time it's definitely not kitty. Can you guess what it is?
Meg: Is it kitty?
Chris: Ahh! Get out of my head! Get out of my head?
Brian: Listen kid, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Stewie: Ugh, you're not coming out of the closet, are you? Why does everyone always come out to me?
Betty: Is that Brian? Oh, and you brought a little friend. Well, I bet you're a hungry little fella.
Stewie: Yes, I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull. Now change me!
Peter: Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?
There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore
Stewie
You know, some people think that dandelions are weeds, but, you know, I always think, who the hell decided tulips were so great?
Peter
Meg: That's it, I want those cameras off!
Chris: Fourth wall, You're breaking the fourth wall!
Hot Meg: Hi Chris.
Chris: Oh my God! You know my name?
Are you Kate Moss? For someone with no breasts, you've done very well for yourself. Good for you.
Lois
