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Family-guy

Lois: I can't believe Horace's dead.
Stewie: I can't believe we left Brian in the car with the windows up.

Oh my god, he's really hurt bad - you're out of the baseline by the way you're out game's over - but oh my god, Horace is really hurt!

Quagmire

Quagmire: What the hell? Jerome's on your team?
Mort Goldman: That's right! We got to know each other while I was following him around my store!

There's nothing an un-stretched, middle-age body likes more than explosive movement.

Peter

Peter: Shut up, Meg!
Lois: Peter!
Chris: Dad!
Brian: You're back!
Meg: [dejectedly] Yay.

We should not rule out the Predator having been the farter.

Peter

I always knew one day this would happen.

Chris

Lois: Who threw out my sequined top?
Stewie: You're 43, accept it!

[to his feral self] Don't listen to that Peter! That Peter is a liar! Run, be free! They will enslave you! [makes random grunting noises]

Peter

Joe: Here you go guys, first time in a while I've had wood in my lap.
Quagmire: Are we supposed to laugh at that? Because it's upsetting.

Peter: You know, we saved so much trouble not flying commercial I think we came out ahead.
Joe: Sure. Drive right up to the plane.
Peter: Exactly. If we went to Logan, that plane wouldn't crash for another hour at least. [plane crashes behind him] Oh, they made pretty good time!

Hang on, you guys! I don't know if I can pull out of this, giggity!

Quagmire
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 1887 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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