Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX

Wow, a parade! It's like I'm walking past stuff, but I'm not going anywhere!


The proudest day of a man's life is when his dog goes off to college.


Peter: And Meg, you yourself said lip gloss unicorns Channing Tatum something something bullcrap.
Meg: You were listening the whole time?

Lois: Peter, where'd you even get the money to make that kind of purchase?
Peter: I sold the house. And I did it on Craigslist, so now I have a dangerous friend!

Lois: Peter, you went out and bought a farm without talking to me about it?
Peter: Well, Lois, in my defense, I have nothing to back up the first part of my sentence.

They stole all my pens! I...I don't have a lot of stuff.


Lois: Oh my God! We've been burglarized!
Stewie: Well, we'll just have to get that $17 insurance check and start over.

Well, you guys, we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and then the rest of the place applauding them.


What a surprise, the mugger's never heard of Truman Capote.

Displaying quotes 73 - 81 of 1887 in total