Success is being true to yourself.

Lois

This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Chris

TV is how stupid losers spend their time.

Peter

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

Quagmire

I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

Peter

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

Quagmire

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

Peter

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

Peter

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Stewie

Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off

Stewie