You hit me! What kind of monster hits a pregnant toddler!

Stewie

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

We do not judge the machine, we do not judge Stewie.

Stewie

This is serious Rupert, I'm losing him! I'm going to fix this relationship. We need a baby, and we need it now!

Stewie

Lois: Oh I'm not doing anything special, just sitting here with the baby.
Stewie: Screw you too.

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Chris: It's made of skittles! You want to eat the baby together on the way home?
Lois: Yeah, I'd like that.

Chris: What should I do dad??
Peter: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?

AHHHHH, my morning scream. AHHHHH! Heather's gone!

Chris

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

Cleveland

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!