I've seen the guy get punched in the face thousands of times, and now he's making science stuff.


I'm the guy who killed your bodyguard.


I sucked him dry, he gave a blood donation as well!


Relax, Im sure Wycelf Jean got it all under control.


"What if the squirrel has lasers he shoots out of his eyes!"


"The book store closed and is now a Target, but our industry is fine."


"My heartbeat's down to four beats per minute."


"That's cray cray in a good way, right there."

Cleveland Brown

"Brain, why does everything you touch turn to garbage?"


"For if I could not forgive, then I would be truly handicapped."

David Chicago

"I tried the online dating thing but there's too much competition out there."


"What if Bono had been too afraid to wear sunglasses…then nobody would know about Africa!"

Peter Griffin

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley