Success is being true to yourself.

Lois

This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Chris

TV is how stupid losers spend their time.

Peter

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

Quagmire

I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

Peter

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

Quagmire

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

Peter

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

Peter

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Stewie

Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!