Family Guy
Season 8 Quotes (Page 3)

Episode 7: "Jerome is the New Black"

Jerome: I got time for whatever I want, fool. My watch dont't tell time, I tell it. [permalink]

Peter: I know you're interested in being the fourth guy in our entourage, Kevin Connolly, but aren't you a little small?
Quagmire: I'll tell you what you can be in our group if I can have some of your cereal.
Kevin Connolly: Oh no, they're after me Kevin Connoly charms. [permalink]

Episode 6: "Quagmire's Baby"

Joe: We shouldn't let this ruin our night, let's just enjoy the strippers.
Peter: I guess, I just hate how much that one gets into her work.
Stripper: You boys have been very naughty. I'm gonna have to assign you extra homework.
Peter: Fractions are so hard, what'd you get for number four?
Joe: She says don't share answers! [permalink]

Brian [about puddle of clone]: I'm not proud of this, but i'm gonna have to lick that up. [permalink]

Quagmire: How long you been in beauty school?
Candy: Two months.
Quagmire: Well tonight, we're doing facials! [permalink]

Quagmire [reading note]: Glen, this is your child, next time wear a condom jerk. Oh my god!
Peter: Wait, hang on, there's no guarantee it's your baby.
Baby: Gigitty.
Quagmire: Ooh, I say that. [permalink]

Stewie: It's healthier than what they ate in the fifties...
Customer: Steak and doughnut sandwich please.
Waiter: You want cigarettes on that sandwich?
Customer: What do I look like a Mary? Of course I want cigarettes. [permalink]

Stewie: Hey will you take me down to Baby Gap? I want to dress like a small douche. [permalink]

Episode 5: "Hannah Banana"

Monkey: Ms Cyrus, I ask you to stop what you're doing. I don't just mean this. I mean the show, the music, the movie, it's all just awful [permalink]

Brian [about robot Miley Cyrus]: You think she does other things like a real girl, if you reprogram her?
Stewie: Brian's that sick. She's 16
Brian: I'm 8
Stewie: You're right, I'll see what I can do [permalink]

Peter: Lois, could you tell Chris that I'm sorry that I ever planted the seed version of him in your vagina? [permalink]

Chris: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Thanks evil mon.... thanks monkey
Monkey: I'd get up to hug you but sitting down is the only thing keeping the poop in [permalink]

Brian: This is my friend Stewie. He's just a baby and he's your biggest fan. And he has cancer
Miley Cyrus: Oh my god, really?
Brian: Yeah he has a tumor in his head the size of a football
Miley Cyrus: Yeah I think I can see it [permalink]

Episode 4: "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag"

Brian: You are really pretty
Girl at Bar: Thanks
Brian: You know, uh, I wrote a book
Girl at Bar: What's that?
Brian: It's like a long magazine
Girl at Bar: Huh?
Brian: It's like the Internet made out of a tree
Girl at Bar: Oh, weird. You want to have sex in the bathroom?
Brian: Oh gosh, what a treat, yes I would like that [permalink]

Lois: My God I can't even react big enough. Here's Mrs. Garret
Mrs. Garret: Whaaat!?
Brian: If my happiness means so little to you that you have Charlotte Rae just standing by to crack a joke then you disappoint me [permalink]

Brian [about Rita]: Well you met her, what did you think?
Lois: What do I think? She's a 100! Peter, did you see her?
Peter: I'm looking at her now. I can see her from the window up here. Did anyone make a Jessica Tandy joke yet?
Lois: No!
Peter: Awesome! I'll be right down
Chris [to Brian]: Who are you dating, Jessica Tandy?
Peter: Sonuvabitch! Damnit Chris, I called that from upstairs [permalink]

Peter: Hey aren't you that chick from the bathroom door?
Brian: Come on Peter, she doesn't want to talk about work
Peter: What's it like in there?
Bathroom Woman Logo: I assume it's how it's like in the men's room
Peter: Oh there's a long trough with a big poo in it? [permalink]

Rita: Is that your condom?
Brian: No, I mean I wasn't gonna use that on your daughter. I would not use a condom on your daughter. I mean I would if i was having sex with her, which I obviously would not do. I'm safe and all. I get AIDS test every three months. It's not because I have a lot of sex. I eat a lot of poo off the streets
[permalink]

Peter: Oh my god, Road House. I want to buy this
Clerk: Great and as a bonus I'll throw in What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams.
Peter: No thank you.
Clerk: No charge.
Peter: I do not want it.
Clerk: But it's free, sir.
Peter: If that DVD even touches Road House, I will kill you. [permalink]

Episode 3: "Spies Reminiscent of Us"

Dan Aykroyd: If these signatures are correct, Mayor West is located just a third of a kilometer that way just over this rise
Stewie: That's what you said a third of a kilometer ago
Dan Aykroyd: Perhaps you'd like to do something besides criticizing me and quoting my movies
Stewie: You just watch your mouth mister [permalink]