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Family-guy

Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis.
Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!

Patriot: Peter.
Peter: Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot.
Patriot: Verily. Come hither and give heed.
Peter: Woah woah woah. I don't swing that way pal. Look I've got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers.
Patriot: Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement and stuff it with plenty of Pawtucket Patriots, your friends will come down here for a beer as well.
Peter: Build a bar! That's a great idea. Wait one last question! If I walk through you does that mean like..we've done it?
Patriot: Gee what's with you and the gay jokes?

Lois: Bye bye Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight.
Stewie: Burn in hell!

Damn you! You're one of them. What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want! Money, women... men?

Stewie

Jennifer: Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart!
Lois: Oh, no. Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice

Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change

Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.
Peter: Hey stinky. Have we got big plans for you.
Stewie: Plans? What the devil are you talking about?

Peter: Meg, you're home late.
Meg: I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading.
Peter: Well, don't keep me in suspense. How'd you do?
Meg: I'll give you a hint. I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! Sucked!
Peter: Yay! Oh, I mean, sorry, honey

It's cool dad. They have this game where you put in a dollar, and you win four quarters. I win every time!

Chris

Meg: Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever.
Peter: Oh no you're not honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds?

Face it, I'm a bad husband, a lousy father, and a snappy dresser

Peter

Come on everyone, we're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans, if you don't join their party they'll come get ya!

Peter
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 80 in total

Family Guy Season 1 Quotes

You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!

Stewie

How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!

Peter
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