God, it's good to be old and nude.

Carter

I want Hershey kiss nipples, and I want you to pay for them!

Peter

Pewterschimdt, you imbecile! You think that's funny, wasting fruit? There are people dying in hilarious places!

Barrington

Lois: (while Peter plays harmonica music) I accidentally backed over a kid in the grocery store parking lot. Peter, I'm serious. I ran right over the soft part of the face. I had to run away. I ditched the car and snuck on a passing train. I was so scared, I didn't get off until I was in the south. What'd you do today?
Peter: I pushed a boy behind your car so I could do all this harmonica stuff.

Oh my god. It was in the tub, and now it's in my butt!

Peter

How does it feel to be the least-cultured person at a bus station?

Stewie

Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.

Stewie

Look, it's not like we've got a lot to live for. I'm just going to end up like Chris, only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am.

Stewie

Apollo: I was booked for three hours by "Archibald Meatpants."
Brian: He's...he's dead.
Apollo: Well, either way, I'm getting paid and somebody's getting torn open.

The porn is free but we have to watch it in the lobby.

Stewie

It says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh...the continent is Africa.

Stewie

Thank God we're finally here. Kind of weird that they showed Flight 93 on Flight 93.

Brian

Family Guy Season 11 Quotes

That was the start of the dark times. The banks took our bars, our businesses, and then our homes. A change had to be made. A change only one man could make. I am The Windmaker. And I shoot monkeys now.

Peter

Brian: And somebody replaced Meg's sleeping pills with Alka-Seltzer.
Meg: People are going to miss me when I [long burp].