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Family-guy

Lois: Did you paste your picture over our wedding portrait?
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over mine.
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better

Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest

Guard: Excuse me sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.
Peter: That's not a van! That's my son

Peter [after surgery]: Knock knock!
Brian: Hey, pal, you can't just walk in here without - holy crap, it's Peter.
Chris: Dad, you're pretty, like a girl

Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter. You're just a fat kid. Sorry about that, Fatty Fat Fatty. Hey, Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, Fatty? You're just a big old fat kid. Here's some chocolate, Fatso.
Chris: Thanks

Lois: Peter, did you get a new buttocks?
Peter: I had to. My old one had a crack in it.

Lois: Jump in, sweetie! The turtle will protect you!
Stewie: I'm supposed to entrust my life to a turtle?! Nature's "D" student?

Lois: Okay, meatloaf for us, and a very special, very delicious, steamed vegetable dish for Chris.
Chris: Ohhh. It tastes like a monkey. A monkey that's past it's prime

Oh no Lois. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper once. Ten years later, BAM. Herpes

Peter

Salesman: WOAH! Have you lost weight?
Peter: No, its still there, I'm just partin' it on the side

The Don: I have asked you here tonight so that you can perform a service
Peter: Oh, what are you gonna make me do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? Cause I'm married ya know

Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
Brian: What the hell are you talking about?

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 183 in total

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France

Peter

You know, some people think that dandelions are weeds, but, you know, I always think, who the hell decided tulips were so great?

Peter
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