Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no TV? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that one time when I was


Brian: Peter, this is the final plague!
Peter: Good cause this is starting to get old

Peter: I want to have the kind of father and son relationship that the Gumbels have.
Lois: Peter, the Gumbels are brothers.
Peter: Oh nice Lois, just because they're black we can't learn anything from 'em?

Brian: Peter, the final plague is the death of the first born son.
Peter: Oh no Stewie!
Brian: The first born son.
Peter: Meg!
Brian: Your wife.
Peter: Chris

Peter: Hey Stewie. I see your bum.
Stewie: Well take a good look, fat man. And while you're at it, take pictures so I have something to bring with me to court, you wretched pervert

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner

Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talkin' to 'em


Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calendar. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there


Okay, okay, how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw feces at each other!


Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster


This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it


Peter: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting a boat.
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting a boat!
Peter: Aw man, even Della Reese is getting a boat

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Peter [reading his tax refund]: Oh my god, it's better than I thought. An Audi! I'm gettin' a car!
Brian: Uh, Peter, there's a "t" in there. That says "audit".
Peter: No, Brian, it's a foreign car... the "t" is silent. Sweet, I'm gettin' an Audi!
Chris [lifts up his shirt]: I have an innie

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one.