Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no TV? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that one time when I was

Peter

Brian: Peter, this is the final plague!
Peter: Good cause this is starting to get old

Peter: I want to have the kind of father and son relationship that the Gumbels have.
Lois: Peter, the Gumbels are brothers.
Peter: Oh nice Lois, just because they're black we can't learn anything from 'em?

Brian: Peter, the final plague is the death of the first born son.
Peter: Oh no Stewie!
Brian: The first born son.
Peter: Meg!
Brian: Your wife.
Peter: Chris

Peter: Hey Stewie. I see your bum.
Stewie: Well take a good look, fat man. And while you're at it, take pictures so I have something to bring with me to court, you wretched pervert

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner

Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talkin' to 'em

Peter

Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calendar. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there

Stewie

Okay, okay, how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw feces at each other!

Peter

Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster

Stewie

This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it

Peter

Peter: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting a boat.
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting a boat!
Peter: Aw man, even Della Reese is getting a boat

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 183 in total

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!

If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so that I can poke poor people with a stick!

Chris