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Family Guy Season 3 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 3 Episode 8: "The Kiss Seen Around the World"

Neil: Here's your coffee Mr Tucker.
Tom Tucker: What the hell is in this!
Neil: Sweet N' Low. That's for trying to steal my woman!
Tom Tucker: Go back and bring it to me with urine in it like I asked
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: School children washing cars to raise money for charity. Is there anything more arousing?
• Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Meg: The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold. And it's ugly. And it's surface is plagued with deep craters and jagged peaks. Wait a minute, that's not the moon! It's Neil Goldman's face!
• Rating: Unrated

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's House
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose, it tickles my brain. Ow. Now, I don't know math
• Rating: Unrated

Diane: And reports indicate she has also consumed a record amount of seamen.
Tom: Well, that sounds like one powerful Hurricane, Diane
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: In other news: There was trouble at the White House today when President Bush stuck his finger in an electrical socket. When asked why he did it, the president replied "Cheney told me that was where leprechauns hide their gold"
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 7: "Lethal Weapons"

Peter: Look at all the garbage the damn Leafers are dumping on our lawn. The New York Post, New York Magazine, the New York Mets
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Don't worry, I got an idea. An idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually
• Rating: Unrated

Stewie [imitating Brian]: I'm the dog! I'm well-read and have a diverse stock portfolio, but am not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the small braided rug in front of the door.
Brian [imitating Stewie]: I'm a pompous little anti-Christ who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I fall for a rough trick named Jim
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Quagmire: Hey baby, how about showing me your Lower East Side?
Transvestite: Sure.
Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Wait a moment, pre-op or post-op?
Transvestite: Pre-op.
Quagmire: Whoa, transvestite! Back off!
• Rating: Unrated

Meg: Chris, quit it! Mom! Chris put his foot on my side again!
Chris: I can't help it. I have these long dancer's legs.
Meg: Move it!
Stewie: Meg, stop your whining. Chris, stay on your own side. Lois, for God's sake, get off your ass and do some parenting!
• Rating: Unrated

Lois: If you kids don't knock it off, we're not goin' to McDonald's after church.
Meg and Chris: MOM!
Peter: Don't worry. We're goin'. B-B-But you don't get the Supersize.
Chris: OH!
Peter: Okay, you can Supersize. But no apple pie!
Meg: Oh, come on!
Peter: Okay, you get an apple pie, but you can't blow on it
• Rating: Unrated

Lois: Excuse me, we were about to use that.
Lady: You snooze, you lose, lady.
Lois: You have 2 choices. Either my baby swings from this jungle gym, or you do.
Stewie: Woohoo, Lois! Someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside
• Rating: Unrated

[Meg and Chris are raking leaves]
Chris: Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine.
Meg: What?
Chris: That's Randy and that's Fred. Randy's the messy one. Fred's very neat. And when you get them together, whoa! Hold onto your sides!
Meg: Nice to meet you both.
[Meg picks up the leaves and rubs them together]
Chris: Murderer!
[Chris chases after Meg and they get caught by Lois]
Lois: Stop it! Both of you! Starting now, you two are gonna love each other.
[Lois makes them hug]
Lois: Now stay that way!
Chris: It's gonna be weird to potty
• Rating: Unrated

Brian: What about the "writing angry letters and not sending them" exercise?
Peter: Aw geez, I wasn't supposed to send those?
Meg: Look, I got a letter from dad! Dear Meg, for the first four years of your life, I thought you were a housecat. Dad!
Stewie: Dear Stewie, get out. Oh, that's nice.
Lois: Mine just says Dear Lois, and after that it looks like someone just spit on the paper
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Diane: Good evening, tonight's top story, Quahog is infested. With loud hairy creatures also known as New Yorkers
• Rating: Unrated

New Yorker Priest: Yo! God is good ehn? And he expects us to be good. And if you're not, he's gonna come down, and bust your freakin skull! Amen
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0