Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Bob Hope briefly came back to life today; only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident.

Tom Tucker

Peter: You're on TV, so I came to you for advice.
Tom Tucker: Peter, I'm flattered that you came to me and we'll be back after these messages...and we're back. Peter, if you want to control content, you'll have to start your own TV station.

Peter: AAaack! What are you doing?
FCC Guy: Censoring real life.
FCC Guy 2: His chin looks like balls. You want me to censor those too?

Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: No Chris honey, we're not.
Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: No, Chris.
Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: Yes, Chris, yes okay! We're there!
Chris: Liar!

Welcome to the Peter Griffin side boob hour. A wonderful look back on all the partial nudity network television used to offer. Look at that side boob. Check out this side boob. How 'bout that side boob? That turn you on? Well it shouldn't because that's my side boob. Goodnight everybody!

Peter

This is a message to all American infidels. Prepare to die in a sea of holy fire. You will be punished for your decadent ways on the first day of Radaman. You...(laughing) Wait, wait a minute. Did I just say? What did I say...Radaman? (stammering) Bla-bla-bla. Ra-ma-dan. Radaman...what is that? Yeah, maybe Dennis Radaman is gonna punish you with his crazy hair.

Bin Laden

Brian: East of Eden? So, you pretty much read whatever Oprah tells you to, huh?
Stewie: Hey, this book has been around for fifty years. It's a classic.
Brian: But you just bought it last week. And there's an Oprah sticker on it!
Stewie: Oh, is that what that is? I'll just peel that right off.
Brian: So, what are you gonna read next?
Stewie: Well, she hasn't told us yet... Damn!

Chris: Dad, don't you see? You're using the island to get out of your problems at home.
Peter: What are you talking about? Meg's right there.

Paul Reiser: So what's the deal with airline food? Is this stuff bad or what?
Peter: Aw, that's not nice; those chefs work really hard.
Reiser: And what's with those Starbucks, huh? They're everywhere.
Peter: Uhh...a lotta people want coffee; that's supply and demand, it's the foundation of our entire economy Paul...
Reiser: And who do I talk to about those long lines at the atm? That's what I wanna know.
Peter Not me, Mr. Reiser. Someone who has time to fritter away, but not me.

Hahaha wow, this is just like Bible camp...only I'm not crying and trying to pretend I'm somewhere else.

Chris [after seeing villagers exposed genitals]

Kevin Ferderline: Magic Mirror, how can I look like a douche-bag today?
Magic Mirror Peter: Well Kevin, uhm, I would say first of all don't shave or shower.
Kevin Ferderline: Ok, I won't.
Magic Mirror Peter: And uh, you just got out of bed right?
Kevin Ferderline: Yeah.
Magic Mirror Peter: I would say just go ahead and wear that tank-top all day.
Kevin Ferderline: Uhm, ok.
Magic Mirror Peter: Alright, so we covered the hygene, no collared shirts, uhm...ohh, and don't forget to walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.

Did anyone listen to Howard Stern this morning? There were two strippers in the studio, they sounded hot. Then Howard made a joke about Negros, but Robin laughed so it was okay.

Stewie
Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 248 in total

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in "The Narrator."
Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie.