Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 4 Episode 22: "Sibling Rivalry"

Peter: Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Chris: For my science homework, I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.
Lois: You mean diorama.
Chris: ...Uh-oh.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighters.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Well kids, just when I thought I would never find an assistant coach, I ran into this drifter hanging out near the elementary school playground. He's got a clown costume in his trunk, so we know he's good with kids, and pictures of boys in their underwear, so, eh, he's probably had some medical training. Well, I'm going to take off while he fits you for cups in that window-less supply shed. See Ya!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bertram: What took you so long?
Stewie: What took you so ugly!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: I think I'm pregnant.
Peter: Oh, are you sure it's yours?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Do you think I'm fat?
Waiter: Only if you think I'm a serial killer.
Lois: What?
Waiter: Nothing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy?
Peter: First: I don't know what that is. And two: no freakin way.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed much.
Cleveland: Would you ever have one?
Joe: NEVER!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Say Doc, what did you do with the all the fat you took out of my mom?
Dr. Hartman: It's right here in this storage closet.
(He opens the closet and sees Peter having sex with the bag of far
Peter: Um, it's exactly what it looks like.
 • Rating: Unrated

Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in "The Narrator."
Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Peter: Well, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland: You poor bastard. Sex is pointless without the potency.
Quagmire: Yeah. You take the venom out of the cobra, and what have you got? You got a... a belt!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 21: "I Take Thee Quagmire"

Stewie: Okay, whip them out woman! It's time for the afternoon meal!
 • Rating: Unrated

Quagmire: Cleveland, how did you end your marriage?
Cleveland: You slept with my wife.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joan: Is this a joke?
Peter: I wish it were Joan, I wish it were a joke. But these things happen, you know? You go for a walk in the park one day and wheel-chair ninja's and nazi's and pot's and pans robots show up to kill ya, and dinosaurs show up ta eat the remains. You've seen the news.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: (sees himself in a circle) Uh, hey, how much for that fat guy in the circle? I don't see a price tag on that.
Pat Sajak: That's you.
Peter: Oh! Oh! Embarrassing. Uh, okay. Well, in that case, I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pat: The Category is 'Actor & Show' Ok, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uh, ok, uh..Z, 4, Q, another Q, uh... a third Q, and the Batman symbol.
Pat: O-kay. No help there. Um, 15 seconds if you wanna take a shot at it. Talk it out.
Peter: Is it "Alex Karras in Webster"?
(the whole puzzle is revealed, to Pat's surprise)
Pat: I... don't... believe it!
Peter: Oh, my God! I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: You call those cheap implants boobs?! Those aren't boobs! They're lies!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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