Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 4 Episode 13: "Jungle Love"

Paul Reiser: So what's the deal with airline food? Is this stuff bad or what?
Peter: Aw, that's not nice; those chefs work really hard.
Reiser: And what's with those Starbucks, huh? They're everywhere.
Peter: Uhh...a lotta people want coffee; that's supply and demand, it's the foundation of our entire economy Paul...
Reiser: And who do I talk to about those long lines at the atm? That's what I wanna know.
Peter Not me, Mr. Reiser. Someone who has time to fritter away, but not me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris [after seeing villagers exposed genitals]: Hahaha wow, this is just like Bible camp...only I'm not crying and trying to pretend I'm somewhere else.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin Ferderline: Magic Mirror, how can I look like a douche-bag today?
Magic Mirror Peter: Well Kevin, uhm, I would say first of all don't shave or shower.
Kevin Ferderline: Ok, I won't.
Magic Mirror Peter: And uh, you just got out of bed right?
Kevin Ferderline: Yeah.
Magic Mirror Peter: I would say just go ahead and wear that tank-top all day.
Kevin Ferderline: Uhm, ok.
Magic Mirror Peter: Alright, so we covered the hygene, no collared shirts, uhm...ohh, and don't forget to walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Did anyone listen to Howard Stern this morning? There were two strippers in the studio, they sounded hot. Then Howard made a joke about Negros, but Robin laughed so it was okay.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: I married this 11 year old girl for all the wrong reasons.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter, this is ridiculous. We came all this way to take Chris home! Why are we staying?
Peter: Because I'm tired of being treated like crap at work. Don't you see what this means to me? I'm somebody here. Finally, a white man has an opportunity to be rich and in charge.
 • Rating: Unrated

Karen: So, did you have a nice day?
Gary: It was okay.
Karen: You know our son got into your closet today.
Gary: Ah, okay.
Karen: Ah, anything, anything in there maybe that you wouldn't of wanted him to see?
Gary: No.
Karen: Really? You don't, have any dirty pictures in there?
Gary: No.
Karen: Uh, well how do you explain these? (Shows caveman porn).
Gary: So what? So I have some paintings.
Karen: Uh, this is how you want me to look?
Gary: Oh come on Karen, do you hate your body so much that you have to reduce every painting of the female form to pornography?
Karen: Don't do that Gary!
Gary: Don't do what?
Karen: Don't you do that!
Gary: Don't do what?
Karen: Don't make this my fault!
Gary: It is your fault. All I want to do is come home and have dinner. And have my wife say hello how's your day been? But oh no that's impossible for you.
Karen: You know what this is about?
Gary: What?
Karen: This about your disrespect for me, this family and everything we stand for!
Gary: Oh, oh what do we stand for, what do we stand for?! Who are we, the Goracks? Oh suddenly your Cynthia Gorack. That's what you want isn't it. You've always wanted to be Cynthia Gorack.
Karen: Ye, well you know what? At least Cynthia Gorack's husband cares for her family! Ah, I can't even talk to you when you're like this!
Gary: Oh, okay! It's over now because you say it is. Oh way to go Karen! You solve all our problems by just walking away. I mean it's so obvious I don't care about the family. I just killed a 700 pound tiger with a stick and a rock!
Karen: That doesn't make you a man Gary!
Gary: Here we go, here's act 2 of the performance. Karen pretends to leave home for the twentieth time. You know what Karen? Go, just go. I'm not going to stop you, just go! Get out, Get the hell out!
Karen: Screw you Gary!
Gary: Oh, maybe if you did that more often maybe I wouldn't need these paintings!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lady Guinevere: Oh, Arthur, if you can remove this sword from it's stone, and prove that you are the true king of England, I will make love to you in this very field.
Arthur: What if I just move it a little? Will you touch me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 4 Episode 12: "Perfect Castaway"

Tom Tucker: Coming up next, A pig who refuses to eat jews? After this.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Oh hunny, how was your day? Did you catch any fish?
Peter: No, but I caught this turtle; named him Terrence...then killed him and hollowed him out into an ash-tray for Stewie.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cleveland: Good thing you packed so many blowup dolls, Quag... Quag... Quagmire.
Quagmire: Be careful. Even the tiniest prick can pop these things... giggedy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Alright fellas, we've been out her for months and we all know that men have certain needs. And being that there's no women around, we're going to have to have an orgy. [cuts to them naked in a pile] Uh, anybody horny?
Quagmire: No.
Cleveland: No.
Joe: No.
Peter: Me neither! And whoever's toe that is, I appreciate you enthusiasm but I think you should stop.
Joe: Boy, I'm sure glad nobody's here to see this.
[cruise ship arrives]
Cruise Annnouncer: And if you look off the left side of the ship, you'll see a bunch of homosexuals (starts to speak Spanish). A la izquierdo del barco podemos ver los 'fanny bandits
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: I'm home!
Lois: Peter?!
Chris: Dad!
Meg: Daddy!
Stewie: What's your name? Is it Alan?
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Oh guys, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Lois is the only woman for me.
Joe: Well it sounds like you've gotta find a way to win her back.
Quagmire: Yeah, like, like we could get her drunk and take turns having sex with her.
Peter: How would that help me?
Quagmire: Oh, help you? Oh oh, yeah yeah, then no... no then, then that wouldn't help you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Hey, hey I got an idea. Let's play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one. I never slept with a woman with the lights on [Quagmire, Peter and Joe drink]
Joe: I'll go next. Uh, I never had sex with Cleveland's wife [Quagmire and Cleveland drink to this]
Peter: Alright let's see. Uh, I never did a chick in a Logan Airport bathroom [Quagmire drinks... cuts to a bunch of empty beers] God! Let's see, what else is there? Um, I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Quagmire: Oh god! [drinks]
Joe: I uh, I never picked up an illegal alien from Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on! [drinks
Peter: Uh, I never did the same thing, but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh god! This is ridiculous! [drinks and passes out]
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 11: "Peter's Got Woods"

Stewie: Ah, Brian on a date hmm, that'd be more pathetic than that game of marco polo I played with Helen Keller.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Oh by the way Bonnie, we just finished reading the Da Vinci Code at my book club, you were right, its terrific!
Stewie: OH let me guess, some flowery 300 page menopausal, masturbatory aid.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Me, go to a PTA meeting? What, are you high?
Lois: Nah, not anymore, I crashed hours ago. By the way, we're out of chips, cookies and Funnybones.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: What the hell is this?
Mayor West: It's creamed corn. I brang it from home because I don't like the creamed corn they have here. It's too crunchy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: If I drive, I'll have to have a couple of drinks first because I am very self-conscious about my driving.
 • Rating: Unrated

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