Family Guy Season 5 Quotes
Boys, Boys. We can settle this like reasonable and sexy teenagers. Whoever can swallow the most Tylenol PM wins.Herbert
- Permalink: Boys, Boys. We can settle this like reasonable and sexy teenager...
Quagmire: Hey, hey, hey, hey that's a stroke!
Peter: I just tapped my ball, Quagmire. Relax.
Quagmire: Oh relax, huh? Look, I just tapped my ball. Oh, just tapped it again. Tap, tap, tap...oh where is it? It's in the hole. Eagle. Yay Quagmire!
(Quagmire bends his putter across his knee and throws it against the cart)
Joe: Hey Quagmire, you know it's not fun when you're like this.
Quagmire: You want fun? Go home and buy a monkey!
Cleveland: What does that even mean?
Quagmire: I don't know. (voice drops to normal) Boy, we've got a beautiful day for this.
- Permalink: Hey, hey, hey, hey that's a stroke! I just tapped my ball, Qua...
Peter: Hey, Stewie, nice sunburn! (Slaps him on the back)
Stewie: Aaah, you horse's ass!
- Permalink: Hey, Stewie, nice sunburn! Aaah, you horse's ass!
(Brian is taking the trash out, and hears music)
Brian: Stewie, what are you doing?
Stewie: Just gettin' my bronze on baby. Hey, what do you think of my recumbent tan pose? Huh, legs probably spread a little wider than they ought to be, but who gives a damn. This is just tan Stewie being tan Stewie. Check me out Brian.
(Stewie grabs a Tab soda from a cooler and drinks it so the label is showing, then turns to the camera and smiles)
- Permalink: Stewie, what are you doing? Just gettin' my bronze on baby. He...
(Peter and Lois are sitting on the sofa and Chris walks in telling them about the Bully)
Peter: Chris, you have to stand up for yourself, like my great-grandfather Turn-Of-The-Century-Take-On-All-Comers Griffin.
(Black and white scene of Peter's Great-grandfather in a boxing ring with a kangaroo)
Peter's Great-grandfather: (in a posh voice) Alright, put 'em up! Put 'em up! Are you having a Bully day? I'm having a bully day. Is everyone having a bully day?
Posh man in the crowd 1: Bully!
Posh man in the crowd 2: Bully!
Posh man in the crowd 3: Yes, Bully!
Peter's Great-grandfather: Oh, thank god we live in this time!
- Permalink: Chris, you have to stand up for yourself, like my great-grandfat...
Peter: Hey Fulcher!
Peter: The feeling's mutual.
Fulcher: What are you doing here?
Peter: I'm here to kick your ass, Fulcher. I'm gonna beat ya, and then my son Chris is gonna beat ya. It's gonna be an old fashion father-son beat-off.
Chris: Wait a minute dad, you can't hit him.
Fulcher: Yeah, I have MS.
Peter: Oh, ya hear that Chris? This guy's got a monkey scrotum and he's braggin' about it. Now ya really got me mad.
- Permalink: Hey Fulcher! Griffin? The feeling's mutual. What are you d...
(Old guy staring at a midget)
Midget: Sir, would you please stop staring at me?
Old Guy: Where's the rest of ya?
- Permalink: Sir, would you please stop staring at me? Where's the rest of ...
Peter: I'll do it Lois. Right after a healthy breakfast of juice, toast, and store brand imitation frosted flakes featuring Terry the Tiger.
Terry the Tiger: They'reeeee... food!
- Permalink: I'll do it Lois. Right after a healthy breakfast of juice, toast...
What's going on in my pants? Looks like we got six more weeks of winter.Herbert
- Permalink: What's going on in my pants? Looks like we got six more weeks of...
(Stewie is standing in the mirror, peeling off his dead skin)
Stewie: Hey Brian, you want some Stewie jerky?
- Permalink: Ewww! Hey Brian, you want some Stewie jerky?
Peter: Like Dick Cheney when he was a Wal-Mart greeter.
Dick Cheney: Go (beep) yourself. Go (beep) yourself. Go (beep) yourself.
- Permalink: Like Dick Cheney when he was a Wal-Mart greeter. Go yourself....
Brian: Well, that's it for the list.
Stewie: Not quite Brian. There's one more thing I need you to do before I die. (Hands Brian a pencil and a pad of paper) Write down my final thoughts?
Brian: Oh, come on!
Stewie: (Softly) I don't have much time.
Stewie: Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid. I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
- Permalink: Well, that's it for the list. Not quite Brian. There's one mor...
Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)
- Permalink: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy!...
Don't mind me you guys, I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently, on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me, were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg.Meg
- Permalink: Don't mind me you guys, I'm just writing a letter to my boyfrie...