Are you a TV Fanatic?
Sign up for our daily newsletter to receive personalized television news for free!
Tracy: Brian, this is Dylan, he's (pause) your son.
Stewie: Oh, no way! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
- Permalink: Brian, this is Dylan, he's your son. Oh, no way! Jerry, Jerr...
Stewie: You need more than that, you need an act. Listen, I'll be your assistant, and we'll put on a whole big show.Brian: Really?Stewie: Yeah, we'll do all the great tricks. You can even split me in half.Brian: What?Stewie: Saw me in half.
- Permalink: Saw me in half.
Dylan: I hate you all! I didn't ask to be born! If I had a gun, I'd shoot you all! (runs off)
Peter: Well Lois, now we know what to get him for Chrstmas. (sing-song voice) I love the holidays!
- Permalink: I hate you all! I didn't ask to be born! If I had a gun, I'd sho...
Stewie: Brian, this is painful. It's like listening to those two foreign guys down at the coffee shop who've been living in the US almost long enough to sound American.
(scene cuts to coffee shop)
Guy #1: Oh man, what a good bunch of partying at that disco-tech. They played one of my audience requests.
Guy #2: Way awesome! I myself drank like five liters of beer. Any more and I would have ended up in hospital man.
Guy #1: Oh you said it friend, but I wanted to stay, because I almost had sex on this girl.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, but it was so expensive. Each drink was like six dollars forty!
- Permalink: Brian, this is painful. It's like listening to those two foreign...
Brian: Don't worry, I got it under control Lois. I'm monitoring Dylan from here on Stewie's baby monitor.
(conversation is heard over the monitor)
Stewie: Hey Dylan? Hey, come on in here for a sec.
Dylan: Stewie, why are you nude?
Stewie: Oh just a little something I do once a week around here called a "naked tea party." Got my teacup here, now all I need is a tea bag. That something that interests you my friend?
Dylan: You're weird.
Stewie: Yeah, and you're attractive. Now take your f***ing pants off!
Dylan: I'm outta here.
Stewie: Huh, did you see that Rupert? "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds" starring Stewie Griffin huh? Gee whiz.
- Permalink: Don't worry, I got it under control Lois. I'm monitoring Dylan f...
Dylan: Mom? What are you doing here?
Peter: Tracy came because she wants you back. Don't you want your son back, Tracy? (Tracy vomits) What a joyous family reunion!
- Permalink: Mom? What are you doing here? Tracy came because she wants you...
Brian; So, Dylan... shouldn't you be in school?
Dylan: I dunno.
Brian: It's Wednesday.
Dylan: Up yours!
Stewie: Nice kid.
- Permalink: Brian; So, Dylan... shouldn't you be in school? I dunno. It'...
Brian: Gosh, this is a... lovely home Tracy.
Stewie: That's so weird. It smells like there's a cat, but I bet there's no cat.
- Permalink: Gosh, this is a... lovely home Tracy. That's so weird. It smel...
Dylan: Knock Knock?
Brian: Who's there?
Dylan: You're there.
Brian: I'll always be there, Dylan.
- Permalink: Knock Knock? Who's there? You're there. I'll always be the...
(Dylan walks in and smashes a vase with flowers against the wall)
Peter: (Slightly annoyed) Something on your mind son?
Dylan: Shut up! You're just a fat old bastard!
Peter: Well not to get technical sir, but you are the bastard.(He laughs but only his head moves up and down)
- Permalink: Something on your mind son? Shut up! You're just a fat old bas...
(Peter calls Quagamire)
Peter: Look Quagamire were only gonna be in Martha's Vinyard for a couple days can't you just watch the kids
(pause where Quagamire refuses)
Peter: Aww man your more of a let down then fruit stripe gum.
(flash back where peter puts a piece of fruit stripe gum in his mouth)
(1 second later)
- Permalink: Look Quagamire were only gonna be in Martha's Vinyard for a coup...
Announcer: We now return to Damn Nature, You Scary on BET.
(cut to the TV screen, where a cheetah is running)
Narrator: Damn, look at that son-of-a-bitch go! He haulin' ass! If that thing come by my house, I kill it.
(the cheetah sees a meerkat, catches it, and eats it)
Narrator: That little rat-looking thing just got ate! DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY!
- Permalink: We now return to Damn Nature, You Scary on BET. Damn, look a...