Family Guy

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 6 Episode 11: "The Former Life of Brian"

Dylan: I hate you all! I didn't ask to be born! If I had a gun, I'd shoot you all! (runs off)
Peter: Well Lois, now we know what to get him for Chrstmas. (sing-song voice) I love the holidays!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dylan: Mom? What are you doing here?
Peter: Tracy came because she wants you back. Don't you want your son back, Tracy? (Tracy vomits) What a joyous family reunion!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 6 Episode 10: "Play It Again, Brian"

Lois: (after arriving at the resort) Brian, this is wonderful. I feel like one of the Kennedys. You know, the over privileged drunk ones, not the socially responsible dead ones.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days. So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed.
Chris: Well that sucks.
Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: (after reading Peter's note) Well, heh, it looks like I am free. Hey, you know what might be fun? How bout we just order room service and watch a couple of bad movies?
Brian: Yeah, that does sound like fun. I'll go rent Vanilla Sky.
Lois: I said a bad movie, not an abortion.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Oh my God, I attacked Lois! What the hell was I thinking? I'm a rapist. I-I'm no better than Kobe Bryant, or Mike Tyson, or Reagan.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Stewie: So, what happened sport? Come on, talk to your pal Stewie.
Brian: Alright, but only because I've gotta tell somebody. I pretty much just threw myself at Lois.
Stewie: So, you finally did it huh? Well look Brian, as your friend, I should tell you that that vagina is ground zero man. I mean I just wrecked that thing on the way out, and just to be a jerk, I carved "Brooks was here" in the wall. Did you see that? Did you see "Brooks was here."
Brian: We didn't have sex.
Stewie: Of course with Chris going before me I pretty much just walked outta there. Didn't even have to stoop over. There was even room to twirl a cane as I strolled.
Brian: You're exaggerating.
Stewie: Only a little bit! That's the messed up thing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: You can't even hang on to a girlfriend for more than a couple of months.
Brian: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Peter: Oh... you're a friggin' train wreck with that crap, Brian. You couldn't even get Jillian to take you back, and she was dumber than Lou Ferrigno.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: I am so glad Brian brought us out here, Lois. He's a real pal, you know that?
Lois: Well, it's actually Brian I need to talk to you about.
Peter: Boy, he's a hell of a guy, isn't he? He's the one guy I know I can trust.
Lois: Brian tried to have sex with me.
(pause)
Peter: Was he bigger than me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Lois, I really like to talk about this.(Brian starts scratching the door)
Lois: No! Stop scratching the door!
Brian: Okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Meg: No offense, Mr. Herbert, but I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for you.
Herbert: Well, no offense to you Meg, but you're a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for YOU.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (very drunk) Did I miss Byron's reward?
Lois: "Brian's award". And yes, you did!
Peter: Brian, you've been a good son, and I'm sorry you're so sick.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Peter calls Quagamire)
Peter: Look Quagamire were only gonna be in Martha's Vinyard for a couple days can't you just watch the kids
(pause where Quagamire refuses)
Peter: Aww man your more of a let down then fruit stripe gum.
(flash back where peter puts a piece of fruit stripe gum in his mouth)
Peter: Mmmmmm
(1 second later)
Peter: Awww
 • Rating: Unrated

Announcer: We now return to Damn Nature, You Scary on BET.
(cut to the TV screen, where a cheetah is running)
Narrator: Damn, look at that son-of-a-bitch go! He haulin' ass! If that thing come by my house, I kill it.
(the cheetah sees a meerkat, catches it, and eats it)
Narrator: That little rat-looking thing just got ate! DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 6 Episode 9: "Back to the Woods"

Peter: What the hell? Where's my wallet? Ah crap, I must have dropped it at the Barry Manilow concert.
Stewie: Dropped it at the what and where was I?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

James Woods: Hey, not so fast pal. Those are my clothes.
Peter: Oh come on.
Joe: You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack. What? You don't all wear a poop sack? Damnit Bonnie! You lied to me about the poop sack!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and you're not gonna believe this!
Brian: Really? Did he like it?
Stewie: He wants to option it and make a movie!
Brian: Really!?
Stewie: No, he didn't really respond to it.
Brian: Ohh.
 • Rating: Unrated

James Woods: Well, well. A trespasser on my property. That's the worst thing that's happened to me since...
Peter: (gasps) You wouldn't!
James Woods: It's up to you Peter. Either you leave now, or I set up one of your random flashbacks.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Peter walks up to Brian and see's him tied up to a pole)
Peter: Hey Brian, what are you doing tied up to Meg's pole?
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

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