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Family-guy

Brian; So, Dylan... shouldn't you be in school?
Dylan: I dunno.
Brian: It's Wednesday.
Dylan: Up yours!
Stewie: Nice kid.

(Dylan walks in and smashes a vase with flowers against the wall)
Peter: (Slightly annoyed) Something on your mind son?
Dylan: Shut up! You're just a fat old bastard!
Peter: Well not to get technical sir, but you are the bastard.(He laughs but only his head moves up and down)

Stewie: You need more than that, you need an act. Listen, I'll be your assistant, and we'll put on a whole big show.Brian: Really?Stewie: Yeah, we'll do all the great tricks. You can even split me in half.Brian: What?Stewie: Saw me in half.

Brian: Don't worry, I got it under control Lois. I'm monitoring Dylan from here on Stewie's baby monitor.
(conversation is heard over the monitor)
Stewie: Hey Dylan? Hey, come on in here for a sec.
Dylan: Stewie, why are you nude?
Stewie: Oh just a little something I do once a week around here called a "naked tea party." Got my teacup here, now all I need is a tea bag. That something that interests you my friend?
Dylan: You're weird.
Stewie: Yeah, and you're attractive. Now take your f***ing pants off!
Dylan: I'm outta here.
Stewie: Huh, did you see that Rupert? "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds" starring Stewie Griffin huh? Gee whiz.

Peter: (very drunk) Did I miss Byron's reward?
Lois: "Brian's award". And yes, you did!
Peter: Brian, you've been a good son, and I'm sorry you're so sick.

Meg: No offense, Mr. Herbert, but I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for you.
Herbert: Well, no offense to you Meg, but you're a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for YOU.

Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days. So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed.
Chris: Well that sucks.
Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis

Brian: Lois, I really like to talk about this.(Brian starts scratching the door)
Lois: No! Stop scratching the door!
Brian: Okay.

(after arriving at the resort) Brian, this is wonderful. I feel like one of the Kennedys. You know, the over privileged drunk ones, not the socially responsible dead ones.

Lois
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