James Woods: Well, well. A trespasser on my property. That's the worst thing that's happened to me since...
Peter: (gasps) You wouldn't!
James Woods: It's up to you Peter. Either you leave now, or I set up one of your random flashbacks.

You're in a lot of trouble, Griffin, you mother f***er!

James Woods

Stewie: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and you're not gonna believe this!
Brian: Really? Did he like it?
Stewie: He wants to option it and make a movie!
Brian: Really!?
Stewie: No, he didn't really respond to it.
Brian: Ohh.

Peter: That kung pao chicken smells good. You smell that?
Brian: Right now, all I can smell is your ass.

Hey Brian, what are you doing tied up to Meg's pole?

</i> Peter

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.

Lois: Peter, someone's been using your credit card!
Peter: Lois, I hear what you're saying, but like my credit card, I have a very low rate of interest.

Brian: Listen, I need your help, go run into and give me a pair of scissors.
Stewie: No!
Brian: Why not?
Stewie: Because, you made me watch those two girls and a cup.
(Flashbacks to the incident)
Stewie: Okay, wait. What is this now?
Brian: Just watch.
Stewie: Why are we taping my reactions. (about the camera)
Brian: Just watch.
(Turns to the computer)
Stewie: Okay, they're lesbians clearly.
(Stewie reacts to the video, disgusted, as Brian starts to laugh)

You're probably wonderin' why he's in Hell. Johnny liked little boys.


Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, important traffic news that can't help you because you're some place where a TV is.

Tom Tucker

Peter: If i'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay.
Brian: Freddy Mercury? The lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay.
Peter: He was not, he had a mustache.

Stewie: (after watching One Tree Hill) God these high school students are lame. I'm a freaking baby, and I'm cooler than they are.
Brian: What the hell do you know about high school?
Stewie: Are you kidding? These kids today are so easy to manipulate. If you plopped me in the middle of a high school, I could be the most popular kid there in a week.
Brian: Really, would you care to place a wager on that?
Stewie: Absolutely, what are the stakes?
Brian: Okay, if I win, and you can't do it, you have to put your nose in Meg's hat and take an eight second inhale.
Stewie: Okay, it's a bet.
Brian: Great.
Stewie: Kiss on it?
Brian: What?

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes

Prosecutor: Mr. Griffin, do you drink?
Peter: I plead the fifth of Jack. Haha, no, no I'm joking, yes I drink.
Prosecutor: And have you ever struck your wife?
Peter: Only in front of the kids to assert my status as dominant male of the pride.
Prosecutor: Are you a violent man?
Peter: (rolling up his sleves) What are you, a wise guy? Cause I know how to deal with wise guys.
Prosecutor: No further questions.
Peter: You son of a bitch. If I had a gun on a boat I'd shoot you.

Red Leader: All wings, check in!
Red 3: Red 3, standing by!
Red 6: Red 6, standing by!
Red 5: Red 5, standing by!
Red Button: Red Button, standing by!
Red Foxx: Red Foxx, standing by!
Big Red: Big Red, standing by!
Red October: Red October, standing by!
Helen Reddy: Helen Reddy, standing by!
Simply Red: Simply Red, standing by!