Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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James Woods: Well, well. A trespasser on my property. That's the worst thing that's happened to me since...
Peter: (gasps) You wouldn't!
James Woods: It's up to you Peter. Either you leave now, or I set up one of your random flashbacks.

You're in a lot of trouble, Griffin, you mother f***er!

James Woods

Stewie: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and you're not gonna believe this!
Brian: Really? Did he like it?
Stewie: He wants to option it and make a movie!
Brian: Really!?
Stewie: No, he didn't really respond to it.
Brian: Ohh.

Peter: That kung pao chicken smells good. You smell that?
Brian: Right now, all I can smell is your ass.

Hey Brian, what are you doing tied up to Meg's pole?

</i> Peter

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.

Lois: Peter, someone's been using your credit card!
Peter: Lois, I hear what you're saying, but like my credit card, I have a very low rate of interest.

Brian: Listen, I need your help, go run into and give me a pair of scissors.
Stewie: No!
Brian: Why not?
Stewie: Because, you made me watch those two girls and a cup.
(Flashbacks to the incident)
Stewie: Okay, wait. What is this now?
Brian: Just watch.
Stewie: Why are we taping my reactions. (about the camera)
Brian: Just watch.
(Turns to the computer)
Stewie: Okay, they're lesbians clearly.
(Stewie reacts to the video, disgusted, as Brian starts to laugh)

You're probably wonderin' why he's in Hell. Johnny liked little boys.

Verne

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, important traffic news that can't help you because you're some place where a TV is.

Tom Tucker

Peter: If i'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay.
Brian: Freddy Mercury? The lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay.
Peter: He was not, he had a mustache.

Stewie: (after watching One Tree Hill) God these high school students are lame. I'm a freaking baby, and I'm cooler than they are.
Brian: What the hell do you know about high school?
Stewie: Are you kidding? These kids today are so easy to manipulate. If you plopped me in the middle of a high school, I could be the most popular kid there in a week.
Brian: Really, would you care to place a wager on that?
Stewie: Absolutely, what are the stakes?
Brian: Okay, if I win, and you can't do it, you have to put your nose in Meg's hat and take an eight second inhale.
Stewie: Okay, it's a bet.
Brian: Great.
Stewie: Kiss on it?
Brian: What?

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 158 in total

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes

Stewie: Brian, this is painful. It's like listening to those two foreign guys down at the coffee shop who've been living in the US almost long enough to sound American.
(scene cuts to coffee shop)
Guy #1: Oh man, what a good bunch of partying at that disco-tech. They played one of my audience requests.
Guy #2: Way awesome! I myself drank like five liters of beer. Any more and I would have ended up in hospital man.
Guy #1: Oh you said it friend, but I wanted to stay, because I almost had sex on this girl.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, but it was so expensive. Each drink was like six dollars forty!

You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!

Cleveland (R2-D2)
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