Family Guy

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 6 Episode 7: "Peter's Daughter"

Brian: This is disgusting. It smells, it's falling apart, and you can hear the mice humping in the walls.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Lois: Wow Peter, I gotta say, you've really been true to your word about treating Meg better.
Peter: She's my only daughter, Lois. She needs to be protected, like a rare gemstone, or the herniated scrotum of an older gentleman.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there.
Brian: Okay.
(Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie)
Stewie: Brian, pick up. Over.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Brian, please say "over" when you are finished talking. Over.
Brian: (sighs) What? Over.
Stewie: Do you see the wire yet? Over.
Brian: No.
Stewie: Nooooo what? Over.
Brian: No. Over.
Stewie: Okay, I'm gonna start feeding it through. Over.
Brian: Wait, If you haven't started feeding it, why'd ya ask me if I could see it?
Stewie: Didn't copy that. Over.
Brian: I said why did ya ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it. Over.
Stewie: Oh that's better, I can hear you now. Over. Do you see it yet? Over.
Brian: You know, you're a jackass. For the record, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what Brian? Over.
Brian: I said, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore when this is over.
Stewie: When this is what? You've got to finish your sentence. Over.
Brian: That's it, my sentence is over.
Stewie: Your sentence is what, Brian? Over.
Brian: My sentence is- wait a minute. I have to say over, even if the sentence ends with the word over?
Stewie: Ends with the word what, Brian? Over.
(the wire descends through the wall)
Brian: Oh, I see the wire.
Stewie: You see the wire what? Over.
Brian: Over! (yanks on the wire, pulling Stewie down with it)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Neil: Hello.
Chris: Hi. Name, please.
Neil: Neil Goldman.
Chris: (checks his list) Goldman, Goldman. Sorry, no Neil Goldman.
Neil: Oh, I beg your pardon. I meant to say Chris Griffin.
Chris: (checks his list) Griffin, Griffin. Oh, here it is. Says you're supposed to be an usher. (hands his list and pen to Neil) Well, you'll need this.
Neil: Name, please.
Chris: Chris Griffin.
Neil: (checks his list) Griffin, Griffin, hmm. I'm sorry, sir, Chris Griffin has already checked in.
Chris: Well, that's impossible!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: That's an even more beautiful sight than 72 virgins waiting in heaven for a suicide bomber.
Teenaged boy: Hey, we're just playing some Magic: The Gathering. Wanna join?
Terrorist: OSAMA!
 • Rating: 2.3 / 5.0

Stewie: (about Meg's wedding dress) Look at her fat shoulders in those spaghetti straps. It's like bread baking around twine!
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Lois: Peter, Meg's been down there an awfully long time.
Peter: Boy, you cannot wait to criticise her at every turn, can you, Lois?
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Hey, Brian, knock knock!
Brian: Who's there?
Stewie: (whispering) Two friends, building a house together.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Season 6 Episode 6: "Padre de Familia"

Peter: 9/11 changed everything!
Brian: Peter, you didn't even know what 9/11 was until 2004.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (singing) When you say USA I just say hooray, and if you're not from here God's gonna hunt you down and give you AIDS. USA!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Lois: Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go to sleep without it.
Peter: I threw it away.
Stewie: What?! What the hell man I don't throw away your stuff. And where's my goat?
Lois: Peter, why would you do that?
Peter: Because Speedy Gonzales is an immigrant and a bad influence on our children!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter:Hotel maid wanted. Hey, I could do that.
(cut to Peter in a maid's uniform and cart walking up to and knocks on a door)
Peter:Housekeeping. (No answer. He knocks again) Housekeeping.
Man:Come back later,please.
Peter:Housekeeping?
Man:Not now.
Peter:(annoyed)Housekeeping!
Man:Go away.
Peter:I come in anyway?
Man:No! Go away!
Peter:I come in anyway. (walks in on a couple having sex)
Woman:Oh my god!
Man:I said no!
Peter:Ok, I clean?
Man:No, get out of here!
Peter:I clean now?
Man:No!
Peter:I stay and watch?
Man:No!
Peter:I get involved?
Man:What?
Peter:I get involved with lady?
Man:(looks over at the lady)W-What do you think?
Woman:Turn around. (Peter turns around) I don't think so.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Immigration Officer: Complete this sentence: The land of the free and the home of the blank.
Peter: Home of the Whopper?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Well, I guess everything's back to normal.
Michael McDonald (singing): Well, I guess everything's back to normal.
Peter: Oh man, not this guy again.
Michael McDonald (singing): Oh man, not this guy again!
(Peter passes gas)
Michael McDonald (singing): Fart!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Alright guys, it's going to be a long night of border patrol, so I brought in Michael McDonald to help us.
Cleveland: How's he gonna help us?
Peter: He's going to do backup vocals for everything we say.
Cleveland: How's he gonna know what we're saying?
Michael McDonald (singing): How's he gonna know what we're saying?
Quagmire: Is he gonna do it for all of us?
Michael McDonald (singing): Is he gonna do it for all of us?
Peter: Yeah I hired him for the night, cost about $250 an hour, so don't skimp on the conversation.
Michael McDonald (singing): Yeah I hired him for the night, cost about $250 an hour, so don't skimp on the conversaaaationnn!
Cleveland: That sounds nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter, why are you wearing that suit?
Stewie: Yes, you look like the statue of liberty's pimp.
(Stewie and Brian share a High-five)
 • Rating: Unrated

Carter: What's going on here?
Peter: We're taking what's ours! Actually, we're taking what's yours, but we don't think you deserve it, so we're calling it ours and taking it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 6 Episode 5: "Lois Kills Stewie"

Tom Tucker: Good Evening, I'm Tom Tucker with Channel 5 News. We now go live to Ollie Williams, recapping the events of the last episode of Family Guy. What happened last time Ollie?
Ollie: (yelling) Stewie killed Lois!
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: (yelling) Peter got blamed!
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: (yelling) Peter went to court!
Tom: Then what?
Ollie: (yelling) Lois came back!
Tom: How?
Ollie: (yelling) Wasn't really dead!
Tom: Thanks Ollie, and now part two.
 • Rating: Unrated

White Supremacist Speaker: Okay, first order of business. Uh, I'd like to thank Paul and Tracy, who have agreed to bring cookies for next week's punch social. Uh, just remember you two, Fred is allergic to peanuts... peanuts and Jews! (crowd laughs) No, but Jews are bad.
 • Rating: Unrated

(The family returns home)
Brian: Boy, I sure hope they find him. Otherwise we're all gonna be-
(a gun cocks, camera cuts to Stewie)
Stewie: So, it's all out in the open now, isn't it?
Peter: Stewie, uh, how long have you been all messed up and evil like this?
Stewie: Oh, so now you're interested in Stewie? Last week when I made that macaroni picture of an owl, you didn't give a damn!
Peter: That was an owl?
Stewie: Yes, and now we're going to look at it again. (Hits Peter in the knees, and drags him over to the picture. Stewie begins yelling while holding a gun to Peter's head) Look, Look, do you like it?!
Peter: (scared) Yes.
Stewie: What do you like about it specifically?!
Peter: (scared) I don't know.
Stewie: Pick something or I'll blow your brains out!
Peter: (scared) I like... how it looks like an owl.
Stewie: Thank you for the compliment!
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Family Guy" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!