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Family-guy

Stewie: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and you're not gonna believe this!
Brian: Really? Did he like it?
Stewie: He wants to option it and make a movie!
Brian: Really!?
Stewie: No, he didn't really respond to it.
Brian: Ohh.

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, important traffic news that can't help you because you're some place where a TV is.

Tom Tucker

Hey Brian, what are you doing tied up to Meg's pole?

</i> Peter

James Woods: Hey, not so fast pal. Those are my clothes.
Peter: Oh come on.
Joe: You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack. What? You don't all wear a poop sack? Damnit Bonnie! You lied to me about the poop sack!

Lois: Peter, someone's been using your credit card!
Peter: Lois, I hear what you're saying, but like my credit card, I have a very low rate of interest.

Brian: Listen, I need your help, go run into and give me a pair of scissors.
Stewie: No!
Brian: Why not?
Stewie: Because, you made me watch those two girls and a cup.
(Flashbacks to the incident)
Stewie: Okay, wait. What is this now?
Brian: Just watch.
Stewie: Why are we taping my reactions. (about the camera)
Brian: Just watch.
(Turns to the computer)
Stewie: Okay, they're lesbians clearly.
(Stewie reacts to the video, disgusted, as Brian starts to laugh)

You're probably wonderin' why he's in Hell. Johnny liked little boys.

Verne

Peter: What the hell? Where's my wallet? Ah crap, I must have dropped it at the Barry Manilow concert.
Stewie: Dropped it at the what and where was I?

You're in a lot of trouble, Griffin, you mother f***er!

James Woods
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