Family Guy

Family Guy Season 9 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 9 Episode 18: "Foreign Affairs"

Lois: Well, can we at least do some Muppet-style sight-seeing first?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Not a lot of people of color here but the ones that are black are really black.
Bonnie: I noticed that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Quagmire: So, do you guys not do the anal probe thing anymore?
Alien: No, that's more of less been retired.
Quagmire: I see, I see...do you guys still have the thing?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bonnie: Joe hates to fly because they always put him underneath with the dogs
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 9 Episode 17: "The Big Bang Theory"

Brian: Stewie, what the hell happened?
Stewie: Oh well, shortly after you left, da Vinci's girlfriend showed up. So I injected her with my DNA.
Brian: You had sex?
Stewie: No, I put my DNA inside of her.
Brian: Right, you had sex.
Stewie: No, what are you not getting? I put a sample of my DNa in a syringe and I injected her on the staircase, on the couch, and on the balcony.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Stewie! Stewie! Are you ok?
Stewie: (falsetto) You gotta kiss him to wake him up.
Brian: I'm not going to kiss you!
Stewie: Stewie can't hear you. He's not awake. Only a kiss will wake him up!
Brian: Well, I better get Meg.
Stewie: Oh, oh where am I?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Oh my god!
Priest: Ahem, a tip is customary.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bertram: You're about to be yesterday's hopscotch chalk on the sidewalk Stewie! (Pause) Erased!
Stewie: Yea, yea, I got the metaphor.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bertram: Stewie!
Stewie: That's my name. Don't wear it out!
Leonardo da Vinci: Ahahahahaha!
Stewie: See, that's brand new to him.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: So that means you're Italian.
Stewie: Of course! My love for spaghetti-o's and smoking on the toilet! It all makes sense!
Brian: Ew.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Well, I'm off to the farmer's market. I've got to pick up some plutonium for a return pad, in case I decide to make another universe later.
Brian: Plutonium? At the farmer's market?
Stewie: Yep, I'm only using organic plutonium now. Think locally; buy organically.
Stewie: Hey slut, get me out of this.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Huh, that's weird. Black guys usually don't promote themselves.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 15: "Brothers & Sisters"

Carter Pewterschmidt: Good luck. I hope you like weird boobs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Oh yea? Well nobody believed that we would make it but I drink and you use sex as a weapon. That seems to me like a successful New England marriage.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Mayor West; That was a great idea you had about walking parallel to the water. It makes for a longer walk.
Carol: See? We're already making each other better people!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carol: Helloo!
Mayor West: Well dot dot dot hello!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
Lois: Look who the bleep is talking!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: I always wanted a brother or a sister. Instead, I got a broster.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 14: "Tiegs for Two"

Brian: Does Jillian know you're half-Polish, Mr. Quagleczech?
 • Rating: 3.9 / 5.0

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