Family Guy

Family Guy Season 9 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 9 Episode 12: "The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair"

Joe: Hey can you tell me what that Lady Gaga is? Is that a band... or a soda, or a store, or one of those terms like "donkey punch?"
Meg: No.
Joe: Is it a douche? Is Lady Gaga a douche? Well, whatever it is, I don't like it.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Stewie: Help me get some of Peter's tools out of the gay-rage.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter [dressed like Meg]: Heh, heh, I stole Meg's cutaway.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 11: "German Guy"

Edward: I'm a vampire, and I'm in love with this unattractive girl.
Jacob: I'm a werewolf, and I am also in love with this unattractive girl.
Edward: Boy, she sure can act though, can't she?
Jacob: Nope.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Herbert: You know Chris, all my life, I've wanted to see you locked in a basement. But now that it's happened, all I want to do is get you out!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Chris: How do I know which one to shoot? How do I know which one's the real dad??
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Peter: You're not going to get away with this, Mr. Google Search!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Lois: I'm pretty sure our washer machine is pregnant! I'm not even sure how that's scientifically possible!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 10: "Friends of Peter G."

Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star.
Peter: We did it with Justin Long didn't we? America said no but we kept at it!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: You know what? I was so drunk, my ghost is drunk.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Death: Please be Rosie O'Donnell! Wait... is it?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Uh no... uh I'm going to meet Jenny's cats.
Peter: What are you talking about? You hate cats.
Brian (gritting his teeth): I'm... going... to... meet... her cats...
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Alcoholics... transform!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: She slams us against the monkey bars but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: I see you have something new going on this week but there's a new teacher in pre-school who deactivates the camera and hits us.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 9: "And I'm Joyce Kinney"

Tina Fey: I'm better than Jesus!
Lois: Yes, Tina Fey, you're better than Jesus.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Lois: Who did Jesus hang around? Mary Magdalene. Who was she? A
prostitute. Which means if they had cameras back then, I bet she
would've done a porno.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Peter: What does it matter what those people in church think? Most of
them are just random background people we never seen before anyways.
Half of them don't even move. The other half just blink.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Meg [to Chris]: Yea Griffin! Your mom's gross and nasty!
Chris to Meg: Yea suck it! You're a whore daughter!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Good lord! Am I a... porn baby?!
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

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