Family Guy

Family Guy Season 9 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 9 Episode 7: "Road To The North Pole"

Stewie: Santa, now we've got a slight problem here because I've been rather naughty. But you're a business man, I'm a business man, I'm sure we (starts flicking dollar bills) can work something out.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Peter: I want a pet animal that's half chinchilla and half mink because I could call it "Chink" and that would be ok.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Season 9 Episode 6: "Brian Writes a Bestseller"

Brian: What the hell is your problem Zsa Zsa?
Arianna Huffington: What is yours, Snoopy?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: You have to do some of the work yourself. That's why there are 50 blank pages.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Bill Maher: Help is such a strong word. How does this help people with cancer or in Darfur?
Brian: Well it's not really for that. It's for like, if you want a car or something.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Penguin: If you want to be in black and white, black and white's gotta be in you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: Wish it, Want it, Do it. Am I pronouncing that correctly?
 • Rating: 3.4 / 5.0

Brian: Wish it, Want it, Do it.
Stewie: Love it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: What? Writing's the only thing giving your alcoholism any credibility!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Look at what they used to pack up boxes of your books! Shredded up pieces of your books!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 9 Episode 5: "Baby, You Knock Me Out"

Peter: And thanks to Deidre I got some of my own milk to put on my cereal. What? I'm fun.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom Tucker: Coming up next? A boxing match where boxers are bleeding before the fight.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Her fists are so dangerous, she's not allowed to be a lesbian.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Peter: This is crazy! Is no one really making me flapjacks yet?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: For every five seconds I do not have flapjacks, I shall break one window.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: In your imagination, I've got long eyelashes.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Quagmire: What can I say? I really like watching her box.
Peter: That means two things.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Lois: No matter what you do the rest of your life, you'll always be garbage.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Man would you look at that? Two smoking hot repeatedly striking each other.
Quagmire: Yeah, it reminds me of Thanksgiving.
Peter: Why does it remind you of Thanksgiving?
Quagmire: 'Cause this is where I come for Thanksgiving.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 9 Episode 4: "Halloween on Spooner Street"

(Connie opens closet door revealing Chris and Meg making out, the stop look out outside, and at each other.)
Meg: Chris?
Chris: Meg?
(they both back away from each other, screaming.)
Meg: OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Chris: TRYING GRAB SOME BOOBS!
Meg: FROM YOUR SISTER?
Chris: I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU!
Meg: WELL, WHO DID THINK IT WAS?
Chris: SOME BITCH, WHO CARES!
Meg: UHH...OH MY GOD! AND WE DID SO MUCH!
Chris: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Meg WE'RE DISGUSTING! WE'RE A DISGRACE TO OUR FAMILY!
(Bill Chilton, comes in in his tights)
Bill Chilton: Ahh.. maybe I can get on this.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Family Guy" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!