Family Guy

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BILF! Total BILF! Yeah, it's going
totally good... I got about six pacifiers now.

Lois [as Stewie aims a blaster at her]: Well, let me just say, it's
nice to be standing here with no one trying to murder me.
Stewie: Yea, no you're fine...

Lois, I only ask this because of the dire situation I'm in. But can I hump your legs for 15 uninterrupted seconds?

Brian

Meg, you're so beautiful on the inside... but it's important that you know your limitations.

Brian

Let's go find a big, black, sassy, nurse. There's always one

Stewie

Well, stranger things have happened in medicine. I once tried to clone a chicken and it ended up being a man-sized chicken that was extremely hostile and escaped from the lab.

Dr. Hartman

It's kinda weird that 80's white clothes could pass for 90's white clothes...

Quagmire

Brian: Ah, it's a period joke!
Peter: Ah, it's a period period joke!

Peter: I'm making my own Red Bull! Lois can't stop me from experiencing the manic highs and lows my body demands.
Brian: Whoa, whoa you're adding kerosene? That's insane! That'll destroy your body, Peter!
Peter: Kerosene is fuel, Brian. Red Bull is fuel. Kerosene is Red Bull...
Brian: That drink will kill you, Peter.
Peter: Whatever kills me will make me stronger.

Meg: I bet you don't even know what [Obama's] first name is!
Chris: I don't know... Mike?

Meg: It's not something you learn, it's something that's inside of you, like the ability to choose to be gay.
Chris: I don't think they choose that...
Meg: Oh trust me, they choose that.

I'll be with Allah soon...

Santa
Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 149 in total

Family Guy Season 9 Quotes

You're not going to get away with this, Mr. Google Search!

Peter

I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....

Stewie
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