Judge: I've cleared the courtroom and I have my special contempt of the court pen at the ready, gentlemen.
Jared: I hate that pen.

Jared: Trial team group hug?
Peter: Let's do it.
Damien: No.

It's hard to argue self defense when he called his shot three days before he did it.


Jared: How do you know this guy?
Stanton: I have no recollection and I think I would remember that mustache. It's quite impressive.

That was zen master yoda style deflecting.


Jared had his first body wax. Frankly I think he took manscaping way too far.


Perhaps another athlete will text photos of his genitals. Wipe this mess off the front page.


Carmen: How did we spend $200 on handkerchiefs?
Jared: I'm studying magic.

I'm not going to say that what we did see out there was the Mongolian death worm but something ate our camel.


Jared: Every school had cheerleader car washes.
Dean: Where the cheerleaders washed the cars not where you washed the cheerleaders.

Karp: I have wanted a judicial appointment since I was six years old.
Infeld: I remember helping you with your Judge Wapner Halloween costume.

Jared: You do know this guy's banging your ex?
Peter: Yes, thanks for helping me move on.

Franklin & Bash Season 1 Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.