Friends Season 2 Episode 5: "The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant" Quotes
Chandler: I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
Ross: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Chandler: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
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Ross: (About the phone ringing) Still doing the screening thing?
Chandler: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
Machine: (Joey's voice) Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Jade: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
Chandler: Bob here.
Jade: Oh, hi.
Chandler: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
Jade: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him two hours ago.
Chandler: So, uh, how was he?
Jade: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
Chandler: (Tying to act cool) Well, that makes me feel so good.
Jade: It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Ross: (Mouthing) Bumpy?
Chandler: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And maybe you have to get used to it.
Jade: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
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Ross: I just never think of money as an issue.
Rachel: That's 'cause you have it.
Ross: That's a good point.
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Phoebe: Wow, look at these prices.
Rachel: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.
Joey: What are these, like famous chickens?
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Monica: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, saut saut saut. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.
Joey: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.
Monica: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
Joey: Yeah, someplace nice. (To Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney?
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Ross: (While watching television) Man, I sure miss Julie.
Chandler: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Okay, yes, I see how you got there.
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Chandler: Ah, you see Tattoo, Ms. Jade's fantasy is to rekindle the love she once had with Bob.
Ross: You know what my fantasy is? That you talk like a normal person.
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Ross: (Calculating the bill) So five of us is ... $33.50 a piece.
Phoebe: No. No way. Sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa. Prom night flashback.
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Chandler: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
Waiter: Anything else?
Chandler: Yes, how about a verse of "Killing Me Softly"?
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