Friends Season 1 Episode 23: "The One with the Birth" Quotes
Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?
Rachel: I'm a waitress
Dr. Franzblau: Okay, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, "If I see one more cup of coffee..."
Monica: Tell him.
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Tell him, tell him.
Monica: Just... please tell him.
Rachel: Shut up!
Chandler: Tell me what?
Monica: Look at you, you won't even look at him.
Chandler: (Sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
Susan: Phoebe, what do you see?
Phoebe: Well Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day. There's Father's Day. There's no Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Monica: I want a baby.
Chandler: Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.
Chandler: Oh, ok, because we never do that.
Phoebe: (Singing) They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch.
But soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why.
You cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you ...
(Ross gives her some money) Oh, thank you Ross.
Ross: Yeah, I'm paying you to stop.
Phoebe: (Singing) And they found their bodies the very next day.
They found their bodies the very next day.
Ross & Susan: (Banging on the door) Help! Help!
I will always have gum.
Monica
Phoebe: (About Ross and Susan arguing) There are babies coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should hear!
Ross: Yeah, Susan.
Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I do not like my voice like this!
Monica: (Seeing a woman with newborn twins) No fair! I don't even have one! How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!
(Chandler throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in, pretending he can't open his parachute.)
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars!
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.
