Friends Season 3 Episode 3: "The One with the Jam" Quotes
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross & Rachel: No.
Chandler: Okay I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Ross: Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: (Buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Chandler: Janice likes to cuddle at night, which you know I am all for. But, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something?
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there 'cause were're cuddily sleepers! Okay, I'm late for work. All right, are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm right behind you. (Rachel leaves) Okay the sleeping thing: very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: but I thought you guys were cuddily sleepers.
Ross: No! No, not cuddily, not me, I'm like you I need the room.
Chandler: Okay, well Janice said "Hi, do I look fat today?" So I looked at her...
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer, it's like a reflex. Do I look fat? No! Is she prettier than I am? No! Does size matter?
Rachel: No!
Ross: And it works both ways.
Monica: I've got a new plan now. Babies!
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
Joey: Oh, Jam? I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
(Phoebe catches Malcolm following Ursula) Oh, well, what do you know? There goes my identical twin sister! Just walking along, looking like me!
Phoebe
Phoebe: (About Malcolm) You think he's still following her?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Monica: I think, that if you really like this guy, you should just trust him.
Phoebe: Thank you, Monica.
Joey: Orrr, you could follow him and see where he goes.
Monica: Oh, that's what I would do, forget mine.
I asked for the news, not the weather.
Phoebe
Ah, this guy's an astronaut, that would have been so cool! (Monica looks at Joey) For like a day.
Joey
Rachel: (About the sling on Joey's arm) Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: No. I had a whole cover story, but Chandler here sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe, I didn't think the doctor would buy that it just fell out of the socket.
