Phoebe: There is no smoking in my grandmother's cab.
Chandler: In that case, I have to go to the bathroom.

You know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

Chandler

Phoebe: (About waxing) This happens to be a pain no man will ever experience.
Chandler: I don't think you can make that statement until you've been kicked in an area God only meant to be treated nicely.

Phoebe: (On the phone) Hi, it's Phoebe. Someone needs to take my 9:00, because it's like, 9:15, and I'm not there.

Phoebe: Ooh! We can eat the wax! It's organic!
Chandler: Oh boy, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: Well, not the used wax!
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?

Ross: I thought our relationship was dead!
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!

Ross: Gunther! Please tell me you didn't tell Rachel about me and the girl from the copy center.
Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?

Monica: You broke up?
Rachel: Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left Mark came over.
Monica: Oh no! Rachel! You and Mark?
Rachel: No, no, no. It's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realized how much I love your stupid brother. And yeah, we got our problems, but I really wanna make it work.

Ross: I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in, her purse?

Phoebe: (About Ross and Rachel) They've been quiet for a long time.
Joey: Maybe she killed him.

Phoebe: (As Rachel hits Ross) Should we do something?
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.

Phoebe: Why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: There's banana on it.
Phoebe: Oh. I have the spirit of an old Indian woman living in mine.

Friends Quotes

(Joey is watching "Wheel of Fortune", the letters read _OUNT RUSH _ORE)
Joey: This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore.
Chandler: You know you should really go on this show.
(Later in this scene)
Chandler: Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore.
Joey: Yeah? Then who's the guy who painted the faces on the mountain?

Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.