I thought a gynecologist would have no trouble dating women.

Rachel

Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you!
Susan: (Beaming) Thanks.
Rachel: Oh God, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these!
Chandler: I know. I still am one of these.

Carol: What does he look like?
Ross: (Studying him) Kind of like my Uncle Ed covered in Jello.

(About her contractions) I love them! Each one's like a little party in my uterus!

Carol

Monica: (Seeing a woman with newborn twins) No fair! I don't even have one! How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!
(Chandler throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in, pretending he can't open his parachute.)

Phoebe: (About Ross and Susan arguing) There are babies coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should hear!
Ross: Yeah, Susan.
Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I do not like my voice like this!

Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waiting room, handing out cigars!
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.

Phoebe: (Singing) And they found their bodies the very next day.
They found their bodies the very next day.
Ross & Susan: (Banging on the door) Help! Help!

I will always have gum.

Monica

Monica: Is there something fundamentally unmarryable about me?
Chandler: (Scrambling) Uh...
Monica: Well?
Chandler: (Pulling an imaginary ripcord) Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!

Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day. There's Father's Day. There's no Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

Susan: Phoebe, what do you see?
Phoebe: Well Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.

Friends Season 1 Quotes

Chandler: Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes into a Volkswagen! (Chandler nods) Oh, I love that joke!

You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Thinking) Gum would be perfection? Gum would be perfection. Could have said, gum would be nice, or, I'll have a stick, but no no no no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Chandler