Friends

Friends Season 1 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 22: "The One with the Ick Factor"

Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream!
Chandler: I-I'm sorry... it was a one time thing, I was very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
Monica: Is it, like, for dinosaur emergencies? "Help! Come quick, they're still extinct!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ethan: Uh, before we get into any staying-over stuff, there is something you should know.
Monica: Okay, is this like, "I have an early class tomorrow," or, "I'm secretly married to a goat?"
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs reduced. Its a whole big boob story.
Phoebe: I could be a secretary.
Chandler: Well, you know Pheebs, I dont know if its your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal... for a large portion of the day.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: (About his new beeper) No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: Monica, let's go! Come on people! Woman in labor!
Chandler: (Doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I got going.
Ross: Save it for the cab. What are you going? We're going to a hospital!
Rachel: (Putting on makeup) What? So I can't look nice? There are doctors there.
Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge!
Joey: All right, all right!
Ross: What is that?
Joey: For the ride.
Chandler: Like a cab--
Ross: Save it!
Chandler: Okay, hating this!
Ross:Monica, come one, now! Let's go! Baby coming!
Monica: I can't believe I'm going to be an aunt! I'll have a nephew.
Ross: That's nice. Get out!
 • Rating: Unrated

Phoebe: Can you see me operating a drill press?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
 • Rating: Unrated

Monica: Oh, I can't pass for twenty two?
Phoebe: Well, maybe twenty five, twenty six.
Monica: I am twenty six!
Phoebe: There you go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Rachel: Hey, did you guys check out those new hand dryers in the bathroom?
Ross: I thought that was just a rumor.
Rachel: True story!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: Are your hands still wet?
Joey: They're moist.
Rachel: Let's dry them again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey: Hey, hey. How was the first day?
Phoebe: Oh, excellent. Everyone was so, so nice.
Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. Me.
Phoebe: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.
Chandler: Why not?
Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.
Chandler: What?!
Phoebe: I thought you knew that.
Chandler: No-ho. Who doesn't they like me?
Phoebe: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
Rachel: No, forget it.
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. Joey was there too.
Joey: All right.
Ross: Was there... uh, huh, huh, huh... anybody, anybody else there?
Rachel: No.
Ross: You're sure? Nobody, uh, handed out, uh, mints or anything?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 21: "The One with the Fake Monica"

Joey: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?!
Chandler: You're kidding!
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Ya know, you'd think I would have.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chandler: Joe... Joe... Joe... Stalin?
Joey: Stalin! Stalin. Do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me!
Joey: Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good!
Chandler: Hey, you know, you might wanna try Joseph.
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Monica: You have got to do something about the humping!
Ross: What? It's just a phase.
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey.
 • Rating: Unrated

Teacher: You can come up to the front and dance with me.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes, and have a nightmare?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: I just got back from the vet.
Chandler: She's not going to make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?
 • Rating: Unrated

Phoebe: (To Marcel) Goodbye little monkey guy. I wrote you this poem, okay, but don't eat it until you get on the plane.
Ross: Aw. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh!
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I don't know what to say, Ross. It's a monkey.
Ross: Well, just say what you feel, Joey.
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
Ross: That was good.
Rachel: (Holding a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's uh, just, you know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: If you guys don't mind, I would like to take a moment just with just me and him.
Everyone: Of course. Absolutely.
Ross: Marcel, come here. Well buddy, this is it. Just a couple of things that I wanted to say. Well, I'm really gonna miss you. I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me. You've been more like a-- Marcel, would you just leave my leg alone? Would you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Would just take him away? Just take him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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