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Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, ya know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, ya know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.

Joey: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?!
Chandler: You're kidding!
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Ya know, you'd think I would have.

Ross: (About Marcel's humping) You'd think you guys would be just a little more understanding, you know?
Phoebe: I know. But we're not.

Ross: (Doing a crossword puzzle) Heating device.
Phoebe: Radiator.
Ross: Five letters.
Phoebe: Rditr.

Chandler: (On the phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine. Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye bye. (Hangs up) Oh God!
Monica : That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I want her to think I might be in a restaurant, ya know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.

I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.

Monica

Phoebe: If you want, you can call her machine and if she has a lot of beeps that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
Chandler: You don't think that makes me seem a little...?
Ross: Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?
Chandler: You obviously saw my personal ad.

Rachel: Then we took a walk down to Bendel's. And I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel.
Ross: That's nice... Now, was that before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers, and to generally leave you alone?
Rachel: Right, well, we never actually got to that... Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, ya know? It was comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice!
Ross: That's, that's nice twice!

I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...

Chandler

(To Rachel) You're like my best friend in the world, except for maybe Lori Schafer, who I don't talk to anymore because she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face.

Mindy

Monica: (Looking out the window) Oh, my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us!
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: How can people do that?
(Pause)
Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!

Monica: (Looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!
Phoebe: Oh, my God! Go away! (Waving her arms) Stop looking in here!
Monica: Great, now he's waving back.
Joey: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff!
Monica: What kinda stuff...?
Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked.
Phoebe: You cook naked?
Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 469 in total

Friends Season 1 Quotes

Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh Joey... omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry. (To Chandler) I didn't know, I thought it was one of those theoretical questions.

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.