Chandler: Hey, how's the first day going?
Joey: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
Chandler: Well there you go.
Joey: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
Chandler: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
Joey: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Chandler: Weird world. Your kids?
Joey: I figure my character has kids.
Chandler: You know, there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.
Joey: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
Joey: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... You know what? Just did.
Chandler: Wow, that's some pretty strong imaginary sperm you've got there.

(to Phoebe) Ryan's been underwater. He's just going to be glad you don't have barnacles on your butt.

Monica

Phoebe: You have to stay back, 'cause, I have the pox.
Ryan: Chicken or small?
Phoebe: Chicken. Which is so ironic, considering that I'm a vegetarian.

Chandler: Okay, so I can't fire Joseph. But, uh, I can sleep with his wife.
Joey: Karen?
Chandler: Yeah. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. You know what? I just did!
Joey: What are you trying to do to me, man?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't me! It was my character, Chandy! The rogue processor who seduces his co-workers' wives for sport, then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler! In fact, I have her panties in my desk drawer right now!
Joey: (Looking hurt) Really?!
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!

Monica: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.
Richard: Then I guess the panty raid last night was completely out of line.

Monica: My boyfriend doesn't have a thing!
Richard: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well.

Rachel: It's just that.. I was in there, listening to them bitch about each other, and it reminded me of the Fourth Of July.
Chandler: Because.. it reminded you of how our forefathers used to bitch at each other?

Joey: Mr. Green, why don't we go in the bedroom and put your coat on the bed?
Dr. Green: Uh, sure. That sounds like a two person job.

Rachel: Can you keep my dad occupied? I'm gonna go talk to Mom for a while.
Ross: Okay. Do you have any ideas for any openers?
Rachel: Just stay clear of, "I'm the guy that's doing your daughter!" and you should be okay.

Monica: Joey, they're not real! I start miles beneath the surface of these things, okay? They're fake. See (Monica squeezes her breast) Honk honk.
Chandler: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.

Joey: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.
Phoebe: Why not her?
Joey: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
Chandler: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.

Rachel: (Realizing her two fighting parents are both attending her birthday party) Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
Chandler: Well, we could count again.

Friends Season 2 Quotes

Joey: (Excited) Oh, my God. I got my very own stalker.
Chandler: You are so lucky. I have to share mine with a bunch of guys down at work.
Rachel: Joey remember when we talked about good thing/bad thing? This is a bad thing.

Ross: Oh darn it... we're all out of milk. (Holds the pitcher up to Chandler's chest) Hey, Chandler, will you fill me up here?
Chandler: Oh I see, because of the third nipple thing. (Laughing sarcastically)