Chandler: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
Eddie: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.

So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets?

Chandler

Phoebe: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
Eddie: Yeah alright. That sounds alright.
Phoebe: Oh good, okay. Oh no, I have to go because I'm late for my, um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um, tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.

Chandler: (About Eddie) So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend, and killed his fish.
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone... you have to kill a fish.

Tilly: I'm Tilly.
Chandler: Oh.
Tilly: I gather by that oh that he told you about me.
Chandler: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.

Ross: (About the number of guys Rachel has slept with) Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?
Rachel: Uh, no.
Ross: Come on, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
Rachel: Well, there's you.
Ross: Better not be doing these in order.

(About the number of guys Monica has slept with) Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.

Monica

Chandler: (About foosball) Pheebs, play with me
Phoebe: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ah, hello, human-rights violation.

Rachel: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
Ross: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea: why don't you invite Paolo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.

Monica: It's not going happen. They're doing it tonight, we can do it tomorrow.
Richard: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...

Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Okay, you know, that sounded so much better in my head.

Rachel

Phoebe: All right I have to make a speech. I just want to say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
Richard: Oh, thank you Pheebs. That's very sweet.
Phoebe: Okay.
Richard: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there have been a lot.
Monica: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
Rachel: Phoebe's dead.

Friends Season 2 Quotes

Joey: How are you doing?
Rachel: I'm okay.
Joey: Ooh, that bad, huh? Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Rachel: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then fifty feet of crap, then me.

I swear to God, Dad. That's not how they measure pants!

Joey