Eddie: I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot feistier than the last one.
Chandler: Yeah, maybe because the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm!

So is he house-trained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, stay! Good fake dog.

Chandler

Eddie: You know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow. (He leaves the room)
Chandler: (Mouthing) Thank you!
Eddie: I heard that!

Rachel: Why do we always have to do everything according to your time table?
Ross: Actually it's the movie theater that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.

Joey: (Wearing an old-looking hat) Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Hey. Well, look at you, finally got that time machine working, huh?
Joey: Seriously, you like it? This guy was selling them on 8th avenue and I looked at them and I though, you know what I don't have?
Monica: A mirror?
Joey: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.

Joey: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
Ross: Open it, open it.
Joey: Oh, my God.
Ross: Woah.
Joey: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
Ross: Uh Joey, that's just the minimum amount due. That's your total due.

Ross: (About Rachel's book) I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
Joey: See, this is why I don't date women who read.

Chandler: (Waking up to find Eddie sitting near his bed) Hey Eddie. Ah! What are you doing here?
Eddie: Nothing roomy, just watching you sleep.
Chandler: Why?
Eddie: Makes me feel, um, peaceful, heh heh, please.
Chandler: I can't sleep now.
Eddie: You want me to sing?

Ross: You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
Joey: Uh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.

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