Richard: Maybe we should just tell them.
Monica: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
Richard: My parents are dead.
Monica: God, you are so lucky.

Phoebe: I'm getting a tattoo.
Ross: A tattoo? Why would you wanna do that?
Rachel: Don't you think that would be kinda cool?
Ross: No, sorry I don't. Why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right, Pheebs, and it's like I own a bad haircut all the time? (Awkward silence) Why is everyone staring at me?

(To Monica) I don't know, I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, "God I hope they get together."

Ross

Phoebe: Oh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
Joey: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's having a brunch.

Joey: I don't wanna leave you high and dry.
Chandler: Hey, I've never been lower or wetter.

Phoebe: Okay, Rach. Which, which lily? This lily or that lily?
Rachel: Well, I...
Phoebe: I like this lily. It's more open, you know, and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Oh! Foghorn Leghorn! Oh!

Judy: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
Ross: Uh, actually Mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.

Phoebe: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's going to work? Ross equals boss. I mean, come on what is this, 1922?
Rachel: What's 1922?
Phoebe: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do... a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible.

Monica: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. You know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.
Jack: When did I say that?
Monica: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up Mom.

Phoebe: Okay, hey! Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Okay, who is the boss of you?
Rachel: You?

Chandler: (About Joey finishing his cereal, licking his spoon, and putting it back in the silverware drawer) The spoon. You licked and, and you put. You licked and you put!
Joey: Yeah, so.
Chandler: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. (Joey looks sheepish) You used my toothbrush?
Joey: Well, that was only because I used the red one to unclog the drain.
Chandler: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
Joey: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
Chandler: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
Joey: All right, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.

Joey: I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
Chandler: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, okay? I can afford to live here by myself. You know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.

Friends Season 2 Quotes

Joey: How are you doing?
Rachel: I'm okay.
Joey: Ooh, that bad, huh? Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Rachel: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then fifty feet of crap, then me.

I swear to God, Dad. That's not how they measure pants!

Joey