Futurama Season 1 Episode 1: "Space Pilot 3000" Quotes
Suicide Booth: Please select mode of death: "Quick And Painless" or "Slow And Horrible".
Fry: Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.
Suicide Booth: You have selected: "Slow And Horrible".
Bender: Great choice!
Leela: You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.
Fry: What if I refuse?
Leela: Then you'll be fired...
Fry: Fine!
Leela: ...out of a cannon into the Sun!
Prof. Farnsworth: My god, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible!
Bender: Heh-heh, can we have some money?
Prof. Farnsworth: Oh my, no!
Fry: So what do you do, Bender?
Bender: I'm a Bender. I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.
Fry: Were you any good?
Bender: Are you kidding? I could bend a girder to any angle - thirty degrees, thirty-two degrees... thirty-one... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what they were for.
Fry: What?
Bender: Making suicide booths!
Fry: Why would a robot need to drink?
Bender: I don't need to drink. I can quit any time I want!
C'mon, Bender! It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals... and animal robots.
Fry
Bender: You really want a robot for a friend?
Fry: Yeah, ever since I was six.
Bender: Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robo-sexuals, so if anyone asks, you're my debugger.
Fry: Can I ask you a question?
Leela: As long as it's not about my eye.
Fry: Uh...
Leela: Is it about my eye?
Fry: Sort of.
Leela: [sighs] Just ask the question.
Fry: What's with the eye?
Leela: I'm an alien, all right? Now let's change the subject.
Fry: [excited] Cool, an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?
Leela: No, I just work here.
My God! It's the future. My parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Yahoo!
Fry
Fry: Wait a minute, is that blimp accurate?
Leela: Yep. It's December 31st 2999.
Fry: My God! A million years!
Space; It seems to go on and on forever...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
Fry
Fry: Whoa... a real live robot; or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass.
Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.
Bender: Shinier than yours meatbag.
