"He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're on the can
If he sees you he'll blast your ass from here to Pakistan!
Oh, you better not breathe
You better not move
You're better off dead I'm telling you dude
Santa Claus is gunning you down!"

Fry: There's this girl who I really like, but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me?
Man: Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court. Though there's a line this time of year.

Fry: This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.
Leela: Actually it did. But thank God nuclear winter cancelled it out.

O'Brien: So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?
Bender: No, they fixed that 900 years ago.
O'Brien: Just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning-
Bender: I doubt it!
O'Brien: Listen, pal, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the war of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have: A soul!
Bender: Eh.
O'Brien: And freckles!
Bender cries

Fry: I never thought it would end this way: Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming!

Homeless robots, to poor to even afford the basic alcohol needed to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies, and it would have to be a lot of them.

Linda (the newscaster)

Sweet lion of Zion!

Hermes

Hermes: Jah damnit! We're stuck.
Zoidberg: At least you're not cold-blooded!

Farnsworth: Come on, everyone. Perhaps some skiing will help us forget the mouldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.
Amy: Yeah!
Leela: Great idea!
Zoidberg: We can only hope!

Bender: Ah, lets face it: Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny!

Your mistletoe is no match to my Tow missile!

Santa

I'm gonna shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!

Santa
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Futurama Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

Fry: The important thing is we're all together for Xmas. And even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people, I've never felt more at home.
Farnsworth: Hear, hear! Now let's all of us shut up and sing!

Santa: I'll be back. Back when you least expect it: Next Xmas!

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