Catelyn Stark: If you lose, your father dies, your sisters die, we die.
Robb Stark: Well, that makes it simple then.
Catelyn Stark: I suppose it does.

Fat boy: You better give me that sword!
Arya: You want it? I'll give it to you. I've already killed one fat boy. I bet you're a liar, but I'm not. I'm good at killing fat boys. I like killing fat boys.

Tywin: I always thought you were a stunted fool. Perhaps I was wrong.
Tyrion: Half wrong. I'm new to strategy, but if we are going to be surrounded by three armies, it appears we cannot stay here.

There's your peace. Joffrey saw to that when he decided to remove Ned Stark's head. You'll have an easier time drinking from that cup that you will bringing Robb Stark to the table now. He's winning, in case you haven't noticed.

Tyrion

There are no men like me. Only me.

Jaime

You look lovely tonight Lady Stark. Widowhood becomes you. Your bed must be lonely, is that why you came? I'm not at my best, but I think I could be of service. Here, slip out of that gown and we'll see if I'm up to it.

Jaime

Joffrey: I'll tell you what. I'm going to give you a present. After I raise my armies, and kill your traitor brother, I'll give you his head as well.
Sansa: Or maybe he'll give me yours.

As soon as you've had your blood I'll put a son in you. Mother says that shouldn't be long.

Joffrey

Tell me, which do you favor, your fingers or your tongue?

Joffrey

If we do it your way kingslayer, you'd win. We're not doing it your way.

Robb

Bronn: Stay low.
Tyrion: Stay low?
Bronn: If you're lucky, no one will notice you.

As impossible as it seems, there was once a time I was unaccustomed to wine.

Tyrion

Game of Thrones Season 1 Quotes

Tyrion: Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
Jon: What the hell do you know about being a bastard?
Tyrion: All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.

Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stile her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat sh*t. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel....

Tyrion