Luke Danes: Don't do that.
Lorelai Gilmore: Don't do what?'
Luke Danes: Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it, i need more room for this side.... You pulled it back again.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, I need it for my side.
Luke Danes: I need it to tuck it in.
Lorelai Gilmore: Same here.
Luke Danes: I always tuck it in on this side.
Lorelai Gilmore: Let's tuck it in on both sides.
Luke Danes: You tuck a bed in on both sides?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, then I slip down into it like I'm in a straightjacket or something.
Luke Danes: You must feel right at home there.

Emily: Oh, wait, Rudolph Gottfried.
Lorelai: Another cousin?
Emily: No, a Nazi we knew. I'd forgotten. We stayed with him once in Munich. Nice old man. Interesting stories.
Lorelai: Mom, you-you socialized with a known Nazi? That's despicable. That's heinous.
Emily: No, dear, that was a joke.

I'm afraid that once your heart's involved, it all comes out in moron.

Lorelai

Lorelai: Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory: Huh.
Lorelai: I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily: Oh, dear God.
Lorelai: Poodle is another funny word.
Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai: In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.
Rory: Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking 'whatcha talking 'bout, Willis?' right out of first place.
Emily: Lorelai, for God's sake, be quiet.

Rory: I can't finish all this and sleep at the same time.
Lorelai: You have to sleep. It's what keeps you pretty.
Rory: Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?
Lorelai: Oh-kay. You've got this so completely backwards.

Rory: Oh my God, I just got hit by a deer!
Lane: You hit a deer?
Rory: No, I got hit by a deer!
Lane: How do you get hit by a deer?
Rory: I was at a stop sign and it hit me.
Lane: Was it a 4-way stop?
Rory: What does that matter?
Lane: I don't know. I don't know what to ask after you've been hit by a deer.

Well, this is wonderful, to smell like a dead person. You'll have to beat them off with a stick.

Michel Gerard

Lorelai: Where does your mom think you are?
Lane: Oh, uh, on a park bench, contemplating the reunification of the two Koreas.
Lorelai: Not here, skanking to Rancid?
Lane: Wouldn't be included.

Michel: All right, the piano movers will be here at eight and the chairs will be set up at nine. All the rooms are made up and ready. I will be in at ten. Now I am going home unless you would like me to stay.
Lorelai: Actually, I would, thanks.
Michel: No, I'm sorry, I think I said that wrong. I am going home now unless you would like me to stay.
Lorelai: I would love you to stay, thanks for offering.
Michel: Okay, see, once again, my English not so good. One more time. I am going home now after working six hours longer than I usually work and performing tasks I despise and am ashamed of, and now I am going home to wash off the stench of this horrifying day, that is, unless, for some unknown Godforsaken reason, you need me to stay. Lorelai: Well, actually...
Michel: Goodbye.

Paris: (on asking Rory to run for Vice President) Because people think you're nice. You're quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People don't fear you.
Rory: Hey, I haven't been dressed by a bird since I was two.

Lorelai: Hey, guys, I have an idea. What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you know, when I go to Hartford for my business class, what if Lane comes along, and you guys can shop and study and join a cult and shave your heads?
Lane: Really?
Lorelai: All except the shaving your heads part.
Lane: Oh, no. What time is it?
Rory: 6:30.
Lane: I'm late for dinner.
Lorelai: Again? Lane, you mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fed and happy.
Lane: I'm sorry. But she found a website that sells tofu in bulk.
Lorelai: Oh, you're kidding, right?
Lane: Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge.
Lorelai: Boy, now, your life is scary.

Rory: What are you doing here?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: What?
Jess: I moved back.
Rory: But...why?
Jess: Just...wanted to.
(Rory kisses Jess)
Rory: Oh my God!
Jess: Rory...
Rory: Don't say a word!
Jess: Okay.
Rory: (turns and begins to run away then looks back) Oh! Welcome home!

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Sweetie, Mommy can't get up right now. Mommy's been sleeping at a right angle all night

Lorelai

Hands in the air, not in the nose.

Miss Patty