Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 15: "Christopher Returns" Quotes
Rory: (making a bed for her father on the couch) I just want him to be comfortable.
Lorelai: He's gonna come and go as he pleases, babe. You know that.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: And no amount of bedding is going to change that.
Rory: But he's never been to Stars Hallow before.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: So that means something's gotta be different, right?
Lorelai: Why don't you just enjoy the time you've got, okay?
Rory: (long pause) Yeah. Okay.
Rory: So where did you guys go?
Lorelai: Nowhere.
Rory: Where's nowhere?
Christopher: Where we were.
Christopher: (about Rory's boyfriend) She has a Dean?
Lorelai: She has a Dean.
Christopher: How did this happen?
Lorelai: Well, long ago, a single-celled organism crawled out of the primordial ooze, and that pretty much led to Dean.
Christopher: I think I need a beer.
Rory: I'm gonna go study before the food gets here.
Christopher: What? Tomorrow's Saturday!
Rory: I know, but I like to get all my weekend homework done and out of the way by Saturday so I can do extra credit stuff on Sunday. (leaves)
Lorelai: (to Christopher) Don't look at me.
Christopher: She's a great kid, Lor. I wish I could say I saw more of myself in her, other than the fact that we have similar left earlobes, but she's all you. Chip off the old perfect block.
Lorelai: Why the hell are you here?
Christopher: Behold the queen of the sudden transition!
Lorelai: You remember Rory. You haven't seen her in quite a while.
Straub: No, we haven't.
Francine: I think she was just beginning to speak in complete sentences.
Lorelai: So not for two years, then! (long, awkward pause, nobody laughs) I....she's obviously been talking a long time, so I was making a humorous comment sometimes referred to as a joke.
Straub: I see you haven't changed, Lorelai.
Lorelai: No, not at all.
Emily: I didn't hear the doorbell.
Lorelai: We didn't ring the doorbell.
Emily: You let yourselves in?
Lorelai: It's okay, Mom. Look, not a rapist among us.
Straub: Tell me, Lorelai. What have you been doing with your life anyway, besides hating successful businessmen? I'm just curious.
Emily: Why don't we all go into the dining room?
Lorelai: Well, um, Straub, I run an inn near Stars Hollow.
Straub: Really?
Lorelai: Yes, really.
Christopher: Dad, come on.
Straub: Nice to see you found your calling.
Emily: Dinner's ready.
Francine: Christopher, your tie.
Christopher: Mom, please.
Straub: (to Lorelai) And is your life everything you hoped it would be?
Lorelai: Yes, it is.
Straub: Because it seems to me that you might not want to take such a haughty tone when you announce to the world that you work in a hotel.
Luke: So, Rory was at the game today.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah.
Luke: Yeah, she was with some guy.
Lorelai: Dean.
Luke: No, I know that punk. Some older guy.
Lorelai: Oh. That would have been her dad.
Luke: Really? So he's....
Lorelai: The guy who impregnated me with Rory, yes.
Luke: Yeah. He did a good job.
Lorelai: Impregnating me with Rory?
Luke: Okay, this has taken a very weird turn.
Lorelai: Yeah. (Luke leaves quickly)
Richard: Lorelai, what are you going to take away from this? That everything that happened in the past is suddenly fine because I defended you?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: That the hell you put your mother and me through over the past 16 years is suddenly washed away? Well, it's not!
Lorelai: We've all been through hell, Dad.
Richard: I had to tell my friends, my colleagues, that my only daughter, the brightest in her class, was pregnant and leaving school.
Lorelai: That must have been devastating.
Richard: Then you ran away and treated us as lepers. Your mother couldn't get out of bed for a month! Did you know that? Did you?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: We did nothing to deserve that! Nothing to earn that!
Lorelai: All right, I get it. I'm horrible. So why don't you disown me and adopt Christopher? You love him.
Richard: Oh, don't be a martyr, Lorelai. And don't be naive. Do you think I love the boy who got my daughter pregnant? I wanted to kill him. I would have, too, with my bare hands! But there was a proper procedure to be followed in a situation like this.
Lorelai: Marriage.
Richard: Christopher was willing to follow the plan we laid out. You weren't.
Lorelai: What about what I wanted? Dad, didn't that mean anything to you?
Richard: Sometimes, one has to sacrifice something in order to do what is right.
Lorelai: (speechless) I.....I feel indescribably sad for you right now, Dad.
Richard: Well, save your emotions, Lorelai. I've had quite enough of them tonight.
Rory: (about Christopher's parents) These are my other grandparents. I don't even know them. What do I call them?
Christopher: Call them what I call them. Ass--
Lorelai: Chris!
Christopher: Sorry, my tie's too tight.....
Lorelai: Just call them Straub and Francine. Nah, just call them Mr. and Mrs. Hayden. Sir and ma'am? (pauses) Why don't you just avoid calling them anything?
Richard: This little girl is quite smart, Strobe. She could even give you a run for your money.
Strobe: Oh? (Stares at Rory, who stares at the floor) I think my money will be safe.
