Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 3: "Kill Me Now" Quotes
Luke: Interesting hat.
Rory: I went golfing with my grandfather today.
Luke: Did you know that golf courses are an environmental blight because of the chemicals they use to keep the grass green?
Rory: Actually, I did.
(Luke stares at her)
Rory: Bad joke. Sorry.
Rory: She caught him in the pool house with the tennis pro, not the riding instructor.
Richard: I had no idea.
Rory: That committee of yours is not looking at people as much as you think.
Richard: Oh, why would they? From what you've told me, they're all involved in one nefarious activity after another.
Rory: It's a conspiracy.
Richard: It's Peyton Place. Is there more?
Rory: Can you handle it?
Richard: Oh, I'll steel myself.
Rory: Okay, Mr. Neville likes all things frilly.
Richard: Good God, he's my broker.
Rory: I don't think one will affect the other.
Swan Man: Hey, where do you want the swans?
Lorelai: Um, well, do you know where the pond is?
Swan Man: Nope.
Lorelai: Okay, you know that little road you came up?
Swan Man: Nope.
Lorelai: Okay, do you know how to say "big help" in Chinese?
Swan Man: Nope.
Lorelai: (to Michel) Michel! (to the Swan Man) This is twenty swans?
Swan Man: Sure. Why not?
(to Rory after Gloria drives away in her golf cart) The most odious woman alive.
Richard
Lorelai: Tell me something happy.
Sookie: I can't make the strawberry shortcake.
Lorelai: Wow, you suck at this game.
Sookie: Well I've gotta make strawberry shortcake for two hundred people, so I think I'm gonna need strawberries.
Jackson: Use the blueberries.
Sookie: To make what?
Jackson: Blueberry shortcake.
Sookie: There's no such thing.
Jackson: Hey, the world was flat until somebody took a boat trip.
Richard: Now, what do you know about golf?
Rory: That it's a good walk spoiled.
Lorelai: You don't care at all, do you?
Michel: To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon.
Lorelai: Okay, forget it.
Lorelai: Why don't you go up to your room and have a fabulous bubble bath. I'll send up some wine and a masseuse who bears a remarkable resemblance to Antonio Banderas.
Mrs. Shales: How remarkable?
Lorelai: Get ready to applaud.
Mrs. Shales: This is my favorite place in the whole world.
Emily: Interesting, isn't it, you being the one who's controlling?
Lorelai: I am not being
Emily: According to you, I was the only one in the family with that particular gift.
Lorelai: Mom, I never said that!
Emily: I guess you and I are more alike than you thought, aren't we?
Lorelai: You win.
Emily: Thank you.
(to Lorelai) Your father doesn't know what he wants. He'd get his hair cut at the butcher's, if I let him.
Emily
(to Lorelai) This is as far as I can go, unless you'd like me to bore my way through the wall.
Emily
