Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 8: "Love and War and Snow" Quotes
Luke: It's me Harry, Luke. You've known me since I was 5 years old.
Mayor: Oh, Luke, yes. Sit down.
Tradition is a trap. It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.
Luke
Rory: It's Mr. Medina.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: My English teacher is on my couch.
Lorelai: It was the snow. You know how I get, it's like catnip. I was walking, he was there, his car was broken, we had fiesta burgers... it was the snow.
Taylor: Well, excuse me, Andrew, but some of us have businesses to run that don't involve peddling drug paraphernalia to kids.
Andrew: It was a lava lamp, Taylor.
Taylor: There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs.
(to Rory)
Lorelai: Hey Sweets! I have a locksmith coming to the house today like 5ish, and I don't know how long it will take, so will you tell Grandma and Grandpa that I'm gonna be late? And that I'm having Satan's baby? You pick the order.
Rory: I'll relay the time message, but I'm leaving the rest up to you
Lorelai: Sorry I woke you up.
Rory: That's okay, it's all fodder for the tell all.
Lorelai: Hey do you wanna talk? I'm not Rory, but we do use the same blow dryer.
Lane: I did something really stupid tonight.
Lorelai: Okay, what'd you pierce?
Lane: Nothing. I touched a boy's hair.
Lorelai: Okay.
Lane: A boy I really like.
Lorelai: So far I'm missing the stupid part.
Lane: I kind of did it without his permission.
Lorelai: Now we're getting somewhere.
Lane: I don't know what happened. I mean I was just standing there and then he bends over and his hair falls forward and suddenly it's like my hand has a life of its own.
Lorelai: Sounds like your hand had a little help from your hormones.
Lane: God I was so humiliated! I can't ever go back to school. I'll have to be home schooled, my mother finally gets her way.
Lorelai: Look at it from a different perspective. You have so many years of screw ups ahead of you, view this as a trial run for really grown-up humiliation.
Lane: So not helping.
Lorelai: Maybe you should be a hair-dresser.
Lane: Lorelai!
Lorelai: Yes, it's perfect. Then you can run your hands through anybody's hair you want and they'll pay you for it.
Lane: What am I going to do? Everyone at school is going to be talking about it. I can't show my face.
Lorelai: Everybody does stupid things in high school. It's like a requirement.
Lane: Not like this!
Lorelai: No, some people get pregnant! Talk about something really juicy for the gossip mill.
Emily: There you are!
Rory: I think the phones went dead.
Emily: It's probably just this horrible storm. You must come downstairs immediately.
Rory: What's wrong?
Emily: (Says in a serious, panicked tone) The stove is buzzing!
Rory: It's just the timer, Grandma.
Emily: I know it's the timer, Rory. What I don't know is where it's located or how to turn it off!
Rory: But I really need to call Lane back.
Emily: There's nothing you can do now, the phones will come back on eventually, now please come downstairs and help me stop the buzzing!
Rory: But-
Richard: (calls from downstairs) Emily, for Heaven's sake, get down here!
Rory: Okay.
(On the phone) Oh this is getting ridiculous, Aaron. I will not continue to have these conversations with a child. Yes, he is a child! Well when he's worked thirty years for the company, that's when he's not a child and until then, I don't care what his opinions are. Aaron are you listening to me?! Good, because I'm hanging up on you now and I wanted to make sure that you heard it! What a moron!
Richard
Emily: Well I just don't understand why you waited so late to call! Are you sure? Fine! Alright, yes! Goodbye (hangs up the phone).
Richard: What's the problem, Emily?
Emily: The problem is, that apparently Florence could not get here because of the storm.
Richard: Florence?
Emily: Our cook.
Richard: Ah. Well, we'll just have to go out then.
Emily: Please, Richard pay attention. We can't go out, it's miserable out there.
Richard: Well we'll figure something out dear.
Emily: What?! What will we figure out? I hate the damn snow!
Richard: Emily, calm down.
Emily: This is a serious problem. These Friday night dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.
Richard: (Calls out to Rory who's sitting in the dining room) Rory? Are you in any way malnurished or in need of some international relief organization to recrute a celebrity to raise money on your account?
Rory: I'm good.
Richard: She's good, Emily.
Emily: Your sense of humor rears its ugly head at the oddest of times, Richard.
Richard: I'm not the mastermind behind some great scheme to spoil your dinner plans and I don't care to be treated as such.
Emily: So you're fine with having no dinner tonight, is that it?
Richard: I certainly am not.
Rory: (enters from the dining room) How 'bout I check the fridge? I'm sure there's something in there we could whip up.
Emily: Whip up? (says it like it's a new concept)
Rory: Yeah, come on. It'll be fun, I promise.
Emily: Well come on Mr.-We'll-Figure-It-Out! (they're all standing in front of the refridgerator) Nothing!
Richard: Not a blessed thing.
Rory: There's frozen pizza!
Emily: How in the world did that get there?
Rory: Maybe you bought it and forgot about it.
Emily: I have never bought frozen pizza, it must belong to Anna.
Richard: The maid?
Emily: Yes.
Richard: Ah, got one!
Emily: (Rory pulls the pizza out) What are you doing?
Rory: I'm gonna make it.
Emily: Oh Rory, you're not serious.
Richard: That hardly looks like dinner.
Emily: I agree. Rory, that's food you eat a carnival, or in a Turkish prison.
Rory: I promise you're gonna love it.
Emily: But-
Rory: Listen. Just leave it up to me. You guys go back into the living room and I'll call you when it's ready. (Emily and Richard both give in and get ready to leave) Hey Grandma.
Emily: (she and Richard both turn around) Yes?
Rory: What are the odds of you knowing where a cookie sheet would be?
Richard: I'd say very slim (Emily gives him a death glare).
Rory: Okay, never mind. I'll find it.
Emily: (looks at Richard before they leave) Very slim? Thank you for that.
Mayor: I have been mayor of this fine town for a long time. I tend to think of all of you as my children. Unfortunately, sometimes children have to be disciplined. Now I'm going to say something and I'm only gonna say it once. . .we have leash laws, people.
Lorelai: Daddy's getting angry.
Rory: You know what? It's really good if you add some extra parmesan. This is mom's special trick. Frozen pizza is a staple at our house. Mom has become a major doctoring genius. She'll put anything on it. One time, Sookie came and brought us some foie gras and mom stuck it on a pizza.
Emily: How was it?
Rory: Pretty good once we took the foie gras off.
