Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 14: "That Damn Donna Reed" Quotes
(Richard and Emily have finally managed to secure a place on Martha's Vineyard)
Emily: The two of you must come up for the weekend. It is so lovely. Rory would just love it.
Rory: (speaking to Lorelai) Can we go for a weekend?
Lorelai: We'll see how much Valium Auntie Sookie can lend Mommy, OK?
Lorelai: So you're saying Luke thought I made up a crazy story about a chick being loose in the house just to get him in bed?
Sookie: Not just to get him in bed, but maybe he thought you wanted to see him and you didn't know how to say it.
Lorelai: That's nuts.
Sookie: A woman asking a man to come over late at night to her house. Come on.
Lorelai: Yeah. But this is Luke we're talking about.
Sookie: Uh-huh. Why did you call him?
Lorelai: Because I needed help.
Sookie: Yeah. Why didn't you call me?
Lorelai: Because I assumed you would be with Jackson.
Sookie: Uh-huh.
Lorelai: Well I did.
Sookie: Why didn't you call Rory?
Lorelai: Because she would have been furious to find out that Stella was missing.
Sookie: Why didn't you call Patty? She raises chickens.
Lorelai: Sookie.
Sookie: Or Andrew? He lives right around the corner, doesn't he?
Lorelai: What is your point?
Sookie: My point is that you called Luke. Out of all the people in town that you could have called that would have come over and dropped what they were doing, you called Luke.
Lorelai: Because I had just been with him. We were picking out paint samples. He was on my mind. It was purely a timing thing.
Sookie: Picking out samples.
Lorelai: Yes.
Sookie: For Luke's place.
Lorelai: Yes.
Sookie: So you could paint together.
Lorelai: Once again, yes!
Sookie: Mm-hmm. Which I believe was your idea.
Lorelai: OK, so now the fact that I suggested painting Luke's diner also means that I wanted to get him in bed. All of a sudden I'm trying to get any poor, unsuspecting person in bed with me. I'm like... I'm Michael Douglas!
Sookie: Lorelai. This...
Lorelai: Just... thanks for the omelette.
Sookie: No, honey, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad. Don't be mad at me.
Lorelai: I'm not mad, I'm not mad. I'm tired.
Sookie: OK. You know, Luke is a really nice man.
Lorelai: Bye, Sookie.
Richard: We always go to the Vineyard at this time of year.
Lorelai: Well, you know, you could break the chain, Dad. Go to Paris.
Rory: Yes, Paris!
Lorelai: Impressionism, poodles.
Rory: Crme brle.
Lorelai: Oh, that's great!
Richard: Impossible!
Lorelai: Pourquoi? (speaking to Rory) French.
Emily: We only go to Europe in the fall.
Lorelai: You know, Mom, I heard a rumor Europe's still there in the spring.
Rory: I heard that too.
Emily: We know that it's there in the spring but we never go in the spring because we always go in the fall.
Lorelai: It's getting a little too Lewis Carroll for me.
Richard: Well what is so interesting about Europe in the spring?
Lorelai: Spring vegetables.
Emily: You want us to go to Europe to eat a vegetable?
Lorelai: No, Mom. I don't know. There's all kinds of stuff. There's festivals and, you know, Europe.
Emily: In the fall.
Richard: It costs a fortune to travel first class in Europe. We only do it every two years.
Emily: In the fall.
Richard: It's just not in the budget this year.
Lorelai: You don't have to fly first class.
(Emily and Richard both look stunned)
Lorelai: 'Cause there's always coach.
(Richard looks even more stunned)
Lorelai: (taken aback) Or business class is slightly less. There's deals on the Internet. (Richard and Emily remain silent) Hmm. (to Rory)Pass the potatoes.
Lorelai: Rory just dressed up in a cute apron the other day, and so I was just teasing her about it.
Richard: Why did you get dressed up in an apron?
Lorelai: W..well, we decided to give up on that pesky Harvard dream and focus on something more realistic. Mom, dad, Rory's decided to become a maid, just like I was.
Emily: Is that funny? (to Richard) Did you think that was funny?
Richard: What would have possessed you to say such a thing?!
Emily: And in front of Rory?!
Lorelai: I was kidding.
Emily: God, my heart stopped!
Lorelai: (To Rory) Why don't you tell them about your bird? That seems like a safe subject.
Emily: (about Luke) And how did he know that the bird was missing? What, was he strolling by your house and he heard your plaintive cries for help?
Lorelai: Mom.
Emily: Or the helpless cheep of a chick in trouble?
Lorelai: I called him, Mom. OK? I called him and asked him to come over and help me look for the bird. OK?
Emily: It seems like this man is always around when you're in trouble.
Lorelai: He's a good friend.
Emily: Oh, please.
Lorelai: Do we have to discuss this?
Emily: Lorelai, I'm getting a little tired of being lied to.
Lorelai: Apparently we do.
Emily: This man was at Rory's birthday party, he came to the hospital with you, he's the male lead in every story you tell, you go to the diner every single day. I've seen the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I'm not a fool.
Lorelai: Mom, please.
Emily: Why do you treat me like I don't have a clue in the world as to what is going on in your life? Now I'm asking you, as a favor, if you have any respect for me at all as your mother, just tell me. Do you have feelings for this man?
Lorelai: I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe I do.
Emily: Thank you. I'm glad you were finally honest with me. Now we can discuss what on earth you could possibly be thinking. Don't forget the ice.
(Lorelai is trying to convince Luke to paint the diner)
Lorelai: Come on. We'll drink a couple beers, we'll sing painting songs!
Luke: Painting songs?
Lorelai: Yeah, painting songs like, um, you know, the song that goes:
Grab your brush and grab your rollers, all you kids and all you bowlers - We're going paintin' today!
Say yes or there's another verse!
Luke: Well, I guess maybe if I had help.
Taylor: Really? Oh my God! That's wonderful! Hurrah!
Luke: Taylor, it's not for you, it's for me.
Taylor: I can't wait to tell the rest of the committee, they're not going to believe this!
Luke: I hate that he's pleased.
Lorelai: Ahh, you'll drop a gum wrapper on the street in front of his store later.
Luke: Yeah, good idea!
Lorelai: (to her parents) You're both going to hell, I hope you realize that.
Richard: At least we'll be well rested.
(dinner at Emily and Richard's)
Lorelai: Mmm, kickass wine.
Emily: How poetic!
Lorelai: It's got a nice smell. Earthy, vibrant, you can taste the Italian's feet.
Richard: Well, it's a Bordeaux, it's French.
Lorelai: Ha, what's an Italian's foot doing in a French wine?
Rory: Where are you going?
Lorelai: To Luke's. We're picking out paint colors tonight, so it's gonna be hours of "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no," until my world-famous perseverance wears him down and he winds up in a ball on the floor crying like a girl. Wanna come watch?
(Rory sets a bird cage down on the table)
Lorelai: What is that?
Rory: It's for school.
Lorelai: Aww, he's so cute! What's his name?
Rory: Case Study Number Twelve.
Lorelai: Is that hyphenated?
Christopher: Nice shirt. Take it off.
Lorelai and Rory turn around staring at the guy on the motorcycle
(Christopher takes off his helmet)
Lorelai: Christopher.
Rory: Dad!
Rory: My favorite episode --
Lorelai: Mm, mm...tell me, tell me.
Rory: -- is when their son, Jeff, comes home from school and nothing happens.
Lorelai: Oh that's a good one. One of my favorites is when Mary, the daughter, gets a part-time job and nothing happens.
Rory: Another classic.
